Amidst all the fuss over great and medicore sports alike, football and NASCAR, a handful of sports, no matter their quality, get thrown under the bus, more or less for lack of general awareness. If they were to be cast in the public eye, they would most certainly gain acceptance and acclaim. Here I offer five sports that I believe everyone should know, play, and cherish.

Frisbee golf (or frolf, for you greenhorns)
Few things are more satisfying than a good frolfing. It is a sport that combines the cheap, bourgeois, “common man” aspect of ultimate with the incomparable feeling of whippin’ down a dogleg in a golf cart with refreshing beverage in hand. Because this frolfer uses a cart when the local AARP all-stars come to play. The sport is simple, but appealing. The basic principle is to work one’s disc from the tee box to the target in as few throws as possible. This may sound repetitive, but in reality the variations are endless after accounting for wind, position, obstacles, distance, etc. It takes not only finesse, but guile and muscle. I suggest you try it yourself, because if you do, you will discover the joy of throwing your disc inches from the target, happily hopping into your frolf cart and zipping off into the warm summer day.

Slamball
Watching the WNBA after watching a game of Slamball would be like washing down a nice, enjoyable slab of jerky with mung bean. Such a fabulous experience as viewing Slamball should take place in a WNBA-free zone. Years ago, I saw it on Spike TV, and was immediately mesmerized by the ferocious dunks, by the ultra-springy trampolines, by the angry black men on the screen. For you see, Slamball prominently features all three of these wonderful things. It is a sport shaped by large quantities of testosterone hurling about and collisions twelve feet above the ground, but unlike Ultimate Fighting it bears semblance to a true and tested sport. Conceived not ten years ago, Slamball is already spreading throughout the international market. Brace yourselves. It is coming. And it is marvelous.

Ping-Pong
Despite the fact that ping-pong is beloved by all, it remains underrated because it is underused in relation to it’s accessibility. The Garfield Teen Life Center, for example, has a ping-pong table, but it is seldom used by students other than seniors Neil Eddington and Stefan Dabroski (see young Storck’s article for more information). Skill level is directly related to enjoyment, so typically the better the players the more fun the game is to watch and particpate in. The satisfaction of finishing a long, eventful rally with a smash makes even a frolf victory pale in comparision. Ping-pong is simply the champion of pseudo-sports, a flawless combination of finesse, power, energy, and smack-talking.

Noodling
If fishing weren’t so boring, it would provide an excellent male-bonding opportunity. Noodling is fantastic because it is, in a nutshell, action fishing. Poles are replaced with bare hands. There is no waiting for fish to bite the bait. Instead, there is a primal struggle betweeen man and beast. Noodling is shunned in most of America because it is so dirty and unintellectual, but it is hugely popular in the South.

Panda Hunting
Panda bears are many things. They are big. They are cuddly. They are also, rumor has it, owners of the most moist, succulent meat in the world. As a connoisseur of fine meats, I dream of one day enjoying such a tender morsel. Unfortunately, the giant panda is and endangered species, scrupulously protected by activists and such, thus it is all the more difficult for me to get a lil Su-Lin in my belly yadida. The only remaining option becomes hunting the panda for sport, the difficulty of which is greatly enhanced by the scarcity of the animal and the vigilance of its protectors. It may sound silly, but in reality intensity would elevate on both sides. The activists would die for the panda. I’m just tryna grub. Such an underrated matchup.