School is in session, and it’s the perfect time to woo that attractive individual in your fourth period. Nothing impresses the opposite sex like a bangin’ body, so we’re is here to help.

Butt:
When I want to firm up my saggy keister, I do two things: squats and yoga. Squats build muscle, while yoga tones it. Do long sets of low-weight squats. These will give you a base of muscle for the yoga to work with. Positions like the cobra, downward facing dog, and the plow will stretch and strengthen your ‘ttocks, and have you looking like Shakira in no time. Or Obama. He has a good looking butt.

Legs:
Legs are by far the most important body parts in determining someone’s overall athletic ability. They also are hot. Muscle tone and responsiveness are the most important aspects of strength for the casual leg enthusiast. Jogging and biking are great high rep, low weight ways to train your legs. If you want to work on specific muscle groups, try calf raises, squats, lunges, and deadlifts.

Pecs:
No pecs, no sex, right? Stay at home and do push-ups, or go to the gym and bench press. If you want a more relaxed, social way to train, I recommend push-up poker. Invented by impoverished college football players, push-up poker works the same as normal poker. Bet push-ups instead of money. Rather than losing all your money to Danny Schwartz, you will be on your way to a lucrative career in the WWE.

Abs:
So you want those Pitt or Alba abs? I’ve got news for you: crunches, lots of them. Ignore the haters who whine about how people should work on (non-sexy) rotational abs or total body strength. They are just making excuses for their Dorito-induced floppy stomachs. Crunches equal abs. Abs equal sexy.

Arms:
Bulging arms are to females what Viagra is to John McCain: they get ‘em going. In order to build yourself a pair of Stallonian guns, you will need dumbbells. Do tricep, bicep, and wrist curls. Use relatively few reps with high weight to get the Zeus look. Use the heaviest dumbbells you can. Remember, only work on a given set of muscles every other day.

Stretching:
Increased flexibility creates longer, more toned muscles, which then increase your overall strength. Stretching only takes a few minutes a day. Try stretching with a partner. I find that it is an intimate experience that has led to many pleasurable encounters. Just remember to always warm up before you stretch. Rupturing is no fun.

Fat Burning:
Your whole body is covered in muscle, but you still haven’t achieved sexual tyrannosaurus status. Guess what, YOU’RE FAT! That’s okay though, because lowering your body fat percentage is the best thing you can do for your body (unless you plan on hibernating this winter). With less fat surrounding your muscles, you will be more flexible. You will also be more explosive, as you will have shed excess weight. Most importantly, less fat means that nothing blocks your toned bod from the view of your lover. Running, biking, and swimming are great ways to lower your body fat percentage.

Aerobics:
Have a Lance Armstrong fetish? If you’re like me, and the sight of an exhausted physical specimen subjecting themselves to grueling tests of endurance makes you hot, then aerobic exercise is for you. Endurance athletes share a special bond with each other that they never explain to the laypeople. That connection is an ideal stepping stone to a relationship.