It’s Monday night before the HSPE and it’s time to party. What if you don’t party? Of course you party. In your room, you go over the possibilities. Tea parties? No. Political parties? Don’t care.

Pants parties? Maybe. There must be something better, what will you do tonight? You hang out patiently until, from across the room, your friend announces an interesting function taking place nearby. Your friends all elect to go and you follow reluctantly. Attending house parties can be daunting. There are big kids, unfamiliar animals, and often small rooms. Going to parties takes practice; there are things you can do and things you can’t. In my humble experience with these matters, I have deemed it necessary to delineate a few key pointers.

First of all, bring a snack. This is always a key point. In the midst of a fun party, it’s easy to forget to eat. In order to retain your energy, bring a travel-size snack along. You will not only stay ready for action, but you will also have a conversation starter.

“Hey can I have a chip?”
 
“Yeah, sure.”

“Thanks.”

Conversations and fine dining are always great.
Second on my list is, of course, introduce yourself. In many cultures, a friendly hello is highly expected when you go in someone’s house, or maybe a gift to give to your host as a nice gesture. Most hosts appreciate a good platter of jambalaya. Remember as well, hosts, it’s important to know your guests. The biggest reason people get their houses messed up is because they don’t know anybody inside. Embarrassing and frustrating. Just remember what I always say, “Don’t be a party pooper. Be a friendly fart!”

Give your date a tour of the house. Whether old or young, many girls tend not to know their way around a house. Show them the upstairs, or perhaps the hallway nearby. They’ll be impressed by your instincts and basic knowledge of the house. Don’t have a date? Don’t worry. Busy yourself in the foyer. When a nice girl comes along, ask her for a back massage. Giving back massages is like cleaning; for some reason girls just enjoy doing it. Don’t ask me why. When you’ve secured a comfortable position with your date, ask her to try other positions with you.
Enjoy the little things. Let’s be real honest, some parties are simply not as fun as they should be. I suggest amusing yourself in various ways. Try redecorating furniture or rearranging things in the house. Hosts especially love waking up to items placed in their refrigerator and mom’s bedroom.

Dance. Seriously. It’ll give you exercise. Utilize wall space and chairs. A party without a dance party is known as a dude-fest. This is not advisable. When dancing, it is a fact that the lower the girl bends, the more fat she burns. Guys, be sure to remind your date of this before entering the party.

Take a lap. This is an important one for all those inclined to cause disagreements at a party. If you feel your temper rising or things start to get heated, take a lap. A simple jog around the house is enough to lessen the tension. Fighting with a lover? Let down in the bedroom? Circle the block, the fresh air does wonders.

Save time to help clean up! Self-explanatory. I dream of a world where everybody cleans up at parties. Hosts, if someone cleans up your house, they probably either have nothing to do or they have OCD. Either way, they are the homie.

Don’t be afraid of a good party. Something exciting is bound to happen. Maybe someone will hook up and forget the door’s open, or put the toilet seat in the kitchen. Maybe a fight will occur or the cops will show up. No matter what, you have to be ready. Follow these tips to be successful and I personally guarantee your dreams will come true. And that’s an Andy B. guarantee.