You’ve probably heard that there’s an election coming up. We’re picking a new president — I think it’s a big deal or something. Maybe you’ve been actively campaigning, raising funds, and knocking on doors since day one of your man’s candidacy. Or, more likely, maybe the only voting you were planning on doing was for America’s Best Dance Crew.

Some kids count down the days until their eighteenth birthday so that they can rush to the nearest voter-registration booth and set themselves up to cast a ballot on Election Day. When my special day comes (August 18th –bring me treats and balloons!), you’ll have better luck finding me at the corner store stocking up on lottery tickets and porn.

I appreciate the fact that high school kids don’t have to worry about being involved in or informed about politics. It’s a privilege that would be negated by the lowering of the voting age. If the age limit were lowered, I would feel a nationalist obligation to my country to pay attention to the news and make intelligent decisions. Quite frankly, this would be both dull and time-consuming.

I prefer to find my own method for determining with which candidate my support lies. For example, I know very little about the “issues,” per se. In this election, I consider myself within the “undecided” category. Initially, I strongly supported Barack Obama over John McCain, primarily due to his strong figure and extraordinarily white teeth. However, when Senator McCain announced his choice of Sarah Palin, was dragged back into the middle ground. Governor Palin possesses a figure of equivalent strength to Senator Obama’s — and arguably teeth with an even brighter sheen.

I don’t want to have to learn about politics. I’m just a kid, and in the words of the greatest rap group of all time, “I just wanna kick it, I just, I just wanna kick it.” Lowering the voting age would annihilate the bliss that comes with the blessed ignorance of youth.

18 is the age of adulthood, the age that every citizen is legally and financially responsible for their own actions. It follows, sensibly, that it should be the age of voting.

As a former sixteen-year-old myself, I can confidently assert that it would be appalling if all those crazy teenagers were unleashed on the polls. Without a doubt, minor voters would have to undergo some sort of test to assure that they were qualified to vote. One suggestion is a supplemental “quiz” that prospective young voters would be forced to fill out successfully at the polls in order to validate their votes.

The problem with a supplement is that it lacks specificity in its application. Where do you draw the line between a “pass” and a “fail?” Is it a multiple choice test with right and wrong answers, and a required score to make sure the vote is counted? With the current system, the requirements are clear. Any non-felon registered voter can cast a ballot. Add in a complicated supplement, and testing qualification becomes that much more difficult.

The other problem with a supplement is that it creates demographic imbalances in the election. Who is more likely to study up so that they can complete a ballot supplement: the son of your upper-middle class suburban parents, or your inner-city daughter of a single parent household? And you can bet that the teens who do vote will cast along their parents lines. The majority of these new voters would vote alongside their wealthy, and therefore more conservative, parents.

So don’t even think about thrusting that responsibility upon me, government. It would be more work for you, more hassle for me — a classic lose-lose situation. I’ve got about 300 days of childhood left in me, and I want to savor every one.

Click here to read “She Said: Get Low”