Greetings! I am Kyle Johnsen. By the time you read this, I will be a junior at this splendid high school. I’ve got big visions for this year, and for this newspaper. Ideally, I will bring an aura of cheer and good spirits to the Messenger squad, simply by interacting with the crew amiably and being amazing. I have yet to write for a paper, but I frequent political, philosophical and general discussion Internet forums.

It may simply be because I’m a teenager, but I seem to have myself caught in a self-defeating mental paradigm. I try to analyze my potpourri of observations and beliefs. Then I question the act of questioning. This leads me to a brief period of nihilistic disbelief, which is ended by me doubting the effectiveness of doubt. The result of the whole process is personified by a self-contradicting tall guy who mumbles a lot.

As a writer for The Messenger’s Opinion section, it’s my responsibility to provide cutting-edge perceptions on issues of modernity and antiquity. Intraissue contradictions (exemplified by the process above) are inevitable — and are indeed part of the fun — as my worldviews slowly alter over time.I’m basically an elitist. I posit that the most effective form of human organization is a system where the more apt, talented, intelligent, and even attractive are given the prerogative of increased social, political and economic power.

It makes sense that I am a rigid, laissez-faire capitalist, since competition and the freedom to manipulate capital are either inherently elitist or breed elitism in turn. Regarding legal thought, I am caught up in the “tyranny paradigm.” Essentially, I understand that among the highest of human desires is to gain power and importance, which leads to tyranny. It’s always been there, just continually changing forms; from the Church and classism, to racism and imperialistic governments. I am politically a libertarian — opposed to and extremely suspicious of any governmental ploy to increase its size. I emphasize that there is a significant difference between oppression and a meritocracy. One comprises freedom, the other doesn’t. This phenomenon doesn’t prevent us from living happy and productive lives; it just means we’ve got to keep our eyes on the ball. So you’ll probably see me delve into this topic, although hopefully not to excess.

As for social values, I’m pretty conservative. I think the most effective and proper family setting is a nuclear family. In this family, one spouse needs to stay at home, take care of the children and make food. The other should provide economic sustenance. It doesn’t matter who is chosen for each role. Whoever fits it should step up. Marriage should be outside of the law — not because people shouldn’t be able to spend the rest of their lives together, but simply because marriage regulation is a governmental ploy to gain power. There’s no reason why people can’t be wed in holy matrimony without the government’s approval and supervision.

I am fervidly opposed to television — I think it’s mindless garbage. Admittedly, last year I spent an hour every week watching the addictive and timeless epic The OC. If The OC season three falls into place, as it should, we can only expect this pattern will continue. There’s just something magical about the soap opera, and aside from it, television is generally rubbish. As for me personally, I’m highly competitive, and a lover of most every game I know how to play. I keep a running list of all my current and distant aspirations and goals. It is an extremely long, comprehensive and complex document.

After graduating, I’d like to attend a prestigious college to study political science and economics. Then, I hope to be the CEO of either a DOW 30, S&P 500 or Russell 2000 corporation. If not, then the President of this brave land. I’m dead serious. It’s a pretty far-fetched goal, but “tough competition” in this case is a pretty lame reason to back down. Lastly, I want to get a wife, have children eventually and then retire to the gorgeous shores of Norway — preferably in a large house in Sorlandet or Vestlandet.