Joyce Walker Region

1. Donkey Punchers
Josh Mitchell
Jordan Nakamura
Ben Hamaji
Paul Berggren
Despite being a varsity reject, Mitchell brings this otherwise average team to top-seed status. Berggren and Nakamura’s physical presence will intimidate opponents in a call-your-own-foul setup, and Hamaji’s infatuation with black culture allows for a possible edge.

2. Give Em the Willies
Calvin Moland
Frankie Pavia
Sam Koelle
Spence Watson
This group may win the “nicest people” award at the tourney, but look for a no-B.S. attitude from Pavia, who dominates the paint like he does XXX burgers. Moland provides a stroke, and the only downfall is that either Koelle or Watson must be on the floor.

3.The Second Coming (sorry guys)
David Foy
Leo Friedman
Reid Shaw
Cody Moore
Other than Shaw, this team blows. Will they, like Randy Johnson, pitch their way to victory? Or will they get unexpectedly hit and catch an early-round defeat?

4. Staph
Mr. Haskins
Mr. Miranda
Mr. Lovre
Mr. Porter
“John Starks” Miranda is this team’s only hope at a deep run. As far as we know, “Petey Pablo” Lovre and “Steakhouse” Porter have no athleticism to their name. Things could get dicey when “Beached Whale” Haskins checks in.

5. The ThunderCats
Matt Cerf
Willem de Koch
Graham Davis
Vincent Landry
I held my breath when I saw that a Cerf was on the team, but was quickly reassured when I saw it was Matt. De Koch and Davis are flat-out bad. A few mistakes and this team could fall victim to the ‘09 girls.

6. Soy Sauce 2
Kenny Tran
Johnson Tran
Rich An
Ryan Lau
This group of one-syllable last-namers will live and die with the outside shot. The Trans can light it up, but may be more focused on the quality of the beaters they will likely show up in.

7. Team Tsut
Sargon Bet-Shlimon
Matt Mogan
Jonathan Adusah
Nick Pickard
I have no problem with jocking Tsut, so their team name is quality. Adusah’s shot is either on, or reminiscent of a drunk Ray Charles. Otherwise, Pickard must control the boards and Mogan MUST get angry.

8. Birmingham Booty Call
Nam Ngo
Johannes Harkins
Robbie Low
Michael Haruta
These guys know the game of basketball well. Unfortunately, that’s about it. If the Ngo-Low combo catches fire, they have a chance to go somewhere. But if Low is off, look for blunt objects being thrown from the short-tempered junior.

9. Seattle Slam
Gali Russell
Josh Markowitz
Max Willis
Deric Nelson
I know Nelson can box, and Willis can play Halo. And although the toughness of the Nelson legacy has lived on, the stroke has not. Look for an early trip to the Shewey bracket for these boys.

10. Bean Sprouts
Tony Wu
Colin Feng
Bao Nguyen
These mellow seniors will need the outside jumper to fall to escape the first round. However, this could turn into a David Stanton-Sam Lachow moment if anyone touches Nguyen’s hair.

11. African-Asian Alliance
Jason Le
Bertin Nsabi
Abdul Dhoble
Charley Yu
This team is pretty much a mystery. Le plays tough defense, and could have success in a lacrosse foul-calling setup. An opening round victory is possible.

12. JOSef MMaLer
Maria Sandvig
Rebecca Feldman
Melissa Oishi
Lousia Jelaco
Things this team lacks: skill, size, shooting ability, and a Y-chromosome. All of these factors will lead to their demise. Expect them to show up in various goggles.