For those cave men who simply sucked at hunting, dance was a great way to impress Grog’s woman while he was out killing a wooly mammoth or some shiz. While the exact date of dance’s first appearance is unknown, many scientists speculate it emerged thousands of years before the Common Era. If you want to picture how early dance may have looked, imagine a crack addict as hairy as Mr. Miranda’s lower arms trying to dodge assorted hard objects and stinging insects being thrown at him. BAM (or should I say Bam Bam): dance had begun. From there, dance has only continued to evolve.

1910s
It takes two to Tango. This dance originated in Buenos Aires, Argentina, and was quickly popularized in Paris, where the French surrendered (no surprise there) to its evocative style. Soon after it took hold in France, the dance spread throughout Europe and eventually to the United States (one of the best French imports alongside French Kisses, French Fries and Lafayette). The Tango is a very intimate dance between two people with a huge array of complicated individual steps. This five-star-phad-thai spicy Latin dance of the early twentieth century is still a staple of the ballroom repertoire today.

1920s
The Charleston, named after Charleston, North Carolina (wait really?) developed in African American communities during the early twentieth century. The dance was popularized by the Broadway show “Runnin’ Wild” in which the song “The Charleston” made its debut. This dance is associated with anti-prohibitionists and speakeasies of the era. Like most good things in life, the Charleston can be done alone in your bedroom, as I demonstrated after completing an instructional video from the 1920’s.

1930s
The Jitterbug, named after the jittery effect of alcohol (not the cell phone for old people) is a dancing style that emerged in the 1930s and continued to be popular through the ’50s. There are many styles of Jitterbug dancing, but it is usually danced to fast paced swing or jazz music that rose in popularity during this time period. The Jitterbug revolutionized dancing and continued to evolve for the next several decades.

1940s
Though swing dancing was still very popular during this period, America put its left foot in for a new dance craze… the Hokey-Pokey. This dance was born in the turmoil of the Second World War by a British band leader on the suggestion of a Canadian officer. The song was perhaps invented to keep London civilians’ minds off of the Blitz, and on to which part of their body they should stick in the circle. Legend has it American soldiers brought the dance back from the war with them, and it soon caught fire as the new fad back in the States. (P.S. An instructional video of the adult version of the song and dance can be found on eBay).

1950s
The 1950s were a time of prosperity in the United States. Everyone was having babies; my former self had 366 (a failed attempt to have a baby for every day of the year…damn twins). But babies weren’t the only things being born. The 1950s gave rise to several major dance crazes of the 20th century. From the Bunny Hop (N0 B|_|NNY HOPZ N()()8), to the sexually enticing pelvic movements of Elvis Presley, there is no doubt that the ’50s were centered around reproduction. Elvis’ influence on dance is undeniable; the basic motion of his dance moves can still be seen today (a vertical expression of a horizontal desire).

1960s
The 1960s gave rise to a multitude of new dance moves, one of the most popular being the Twist. Though the song and dance were written and invented in the ’50s, they only became popular in 1960 when Chubby Checker performed his version of the song. Other dances in the ’60s included the Chicken, the Pony, the Mashed Potato, the Monkey, the Freddie, the Hully Gully, and the Watusi. Say that ten times fast, hotshot.

1970s
DISCO!!! The seventies brought with them disco and its wide array of dance moves. Characterized by its constant thumping beat and synthesized sounds, disco was…awesome. Many a time have I dreamt of waking up as Fez from “That 70s Show” and attending a disco with several female escorts. (If you are in the market for female escorts talk to Silas Aumell). The ’70s also provided us with such dance icons as the Hustle and the YMCA.

1980s
For demonstration of the following dances of the 1980s seek out Jack Yates. The Robot is classified by the dancer’s robot-like movements and posture. I myself am fairly good at this dance and often find myself doing it when in the presence of females. Another ’80s dance fad was the Thriller dance. It accompanies one of Michael Jackson’s biggest hits, “Thriller,” and is made up of a complex series of maneuvers. As the ’80s progressed, a new style of dancing evolved – breakdancing. As rap music became more prevalent in the U.S., break dancing began to rise in popularity, and soon had a solid foothold on the nation. Finally, we have the Running Man. The name says it all: the dancer runs in place with spastic embellishments.

1990s
The ’90s saw improvements on old dances as well as some fresh new hits. Grinding and breakdancing steadily increased in popularity while new hits such as the Macarena and the Hammer emerged.

2000s
Andddd here we are! Dance styles from the ’90s such as hip-hop, breakdancing, and grinding continued to evolve into their modern day form, while classics remain in today’s dance scope. The 2000s also harbored advances in techno and rave dancing, which are now popular throughout the United States.

August 27, 2004
A phoenix rises from the flames; Napoleon Dynamite is released in theaters and changes the world’s view of dance FOREVER. There is no telling where dance will go; perhaps canola oil/mud wrestling will evolve into some sort of spiritual bonding experience. But you don’t have to take my word for it.