Earlier this week, everyone went a little too crazy on an infamous day. That’s right, even I dressed up as a five-year-old for 4/21 (aka Kindergarten Day). The preceding day was pretty inconsequential. I mean really, who cares about Volunteer Recognition Day? But on to other matters: before you I present a second installment of wacky holidays, which, I will reiterate, are REAL!

April 30: Hug an Australian Day

So the other day I was chewing the fat with this bloke who had a few kangaroos in the top paddock and after awhile I got cheesed off because he was getting rather agro* with me and I’m afraid we got into a bit of an argy bargy over a little bingle. Oh, I beg yours! Did I not mention I’m an Aussie meself? Yep, used to have a nice billabong in my backyard.

May 1: Save the Rhino Day

Some quick facts to encourage participation: Rhinoceri are a part of the family Rhinocerotidae, or odd-toed ungulates in everyday speech. Their skin is 1.5 – 5 cm thick. They’ve got horns made of keratin and phenomenal hearing. So if you don’t feel like participating on this day, maybe you should consider burning down all the plants in the world WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!!!! I’m sorry, I think I got a little ahead of myself. Rhinoceri are herbivores.

May 8: No Socks Day

Get wild! Go crazy! This day’s a winner!

May 9: Lost Sock Memorial Day

I don’t care for this day. Anyone who was stupid enough to participate on “No Socks Day” deserves a wasted 24 hours of mourning and moping, clad in all black. Carry around, say, eight boxes of Kleenex and cry your wimpy eyes out.

May 16: Wear Purple for Peace Day

The goal of this day, according to holidayinsights​.com, “is to make the world a peaceful place and, of course, encourage alien species to make contact with earth.” Sorry to quote such an obvious statement (I was just running short in word count), but everyone should wear purple for Garfield! If you, for some appalling reason, oppose alien-human interactions and don’t like the color purple, I suggest a transfer to Roosevelt.

June 4: Hug Your Cat Day

Kick off Dairy Month by picking up random cats off the street and giving friendly, bone-crushing hugs. They’ll love it.

June 6: National Gardening Exercise Day

Here holidayinsights​.com suggests, “Get out and exercise with your plants.” Nothing like throwing a frisbee with a hemlock tree, let me tell you. Or even better: lifting weights with gladiolas.

*An Australian slang dictionary defines ‘agro’ as: “the state of being angry and aggressive over a situation. Also the name of a well known puppet on a children’s program.”