Throughout Garfield’s long and lustrous history, countless clubs have come and gone. Some of these are still strong and active today, continuing to enjoy large memberships and influence throughout the school. Some have not left the slightest impression or were shut down by the administration. The following clubs fall into the latter category.

The Beekeeper’s Union
Granted permission to form and meet in 1952 by a Language Arts teacher. She was under the impression that they would not actually keep bees at school. Buzz Polin, former head of the club, says that he never said anything of that sort. Polin brought a hive of hornets to school hidden in a wire cage covered by a sheet. He placed it under a desk, yanked the sheet off and kicked it before running from the room. Polin was expelled, and the club disbanded.

ETA
Met from 2000-01 every Thursday at lunch. Monitored weather conditions to predict what time airplanes would arrive at their destinations.

Hallroamers Anonymous
Ostensibly a support group for chronic hallroamers, this was a trap set by the administration to capture those students and assign them detention. Supposedly met in the Attendance Office at any time when you were supposed to be in class.

Freudian Dissenters Club
Met from 1984 – 86 every other Wednesday at lunch to express their displeasure with Freud’s more controversial theories, specifically the Oedipus complex and Penis Envy.

The Garfield Brotherhood
Communist group formed in early 1950s. Members called each other “Brother” and lobbied for better treatment of students. In 1953, several members staged an elaborate coup d’état in the attendance office, attempting to “enlighten the masses” by spreading propaganda over the intercom. All involved were given two weeks of In School Suspension with Vice Principal McCarthy.

Urban Horticulture Foundation
Planted gardens in parks around the Central District. Shut down by Seattle Police Department for failing to apply for a permit to do so.

The Hurdy Gurdy Association
In 1995, two junior girls tried to raise awareness for and interest in the hurdy gurdy, an instrument dating back to the 1500s. Failing that, they became the first hurdy gurdy duo in pop music and garnered some faint critical praise, eventually signing to 4AD Records and releasing two albums before disbanding in 1998.

Nihilists for Nothing
A club dedicated to plunging the world into darkness. Interested in moral decay, evil and the apocalypse. Always wore black. Members rarely spoke, even to each other. Asked to disband after other students complained of their sinister nature.

Keyed Club
Not to be confused with Key Club. Keyed Club lasted for only one meeting, after which all of its members were given 10-day suspensions for smoking marijuana in school. Said the adviser: “I thought it was just an extension of the Key Club.” She was not held to blame.

The Deep Throat Appreciation Society
Active from 1975 – 1982. Thought to be fans of The Washington Post’s confidential source during the Watergate scandal. Eventually discovered to be watching the pornographic film, to the shock of staff and administration.

The Ecofascist League
Wanted to return the earth to its original state of nature, through any means necessary. Suspected involvement in ecoterrorist activities. Worshipped trees as supreme gods upon earth and considered humanity nothing more than a virus. Generally referred to as “that crazy bunch of misanthropes.”

Club TBD
Convened once a week to discuss possibilities of what the club could stand for; members were unable to ever reach a consensus. Without a clear goal in mind, members spent most of their time creating posters advertising future meetings. The excessive distribution of posters throughout the school and presence of free food at meetings allowed this club to retain a strong membership for over a year despite its lack of direction and focus.

Pokémon Club
Active during Pokémon’s heyday in the late 90s. Met after school to watch and discuss episodes of Pokémon, battle one another on Gameboys and trade and play Pokémon cards. Eventually forced to disband due to controversy surrounding alleged blackmail and coercion of members and an intensely enforced rule of “playing for keeps.”

Students Experimenting on Animals (SEA)
Highly controversial club in the early 1960s. Sponsored by Gillette, although many former member attest that their experiments did not involve personal hygiene products. They were disbanded after administration deemed their experiments “perverse and baffling.”

What Bit Me?
Support group for students bitten by unknown insects or animals, this club faded into obsolescence after medical advances began to allow most bites to be identified almost immediately.