As hundreds of unassuming freshmen prepare for their first day of high school, one is singled out by two intrepid reporters searching for the scoop on Garfield’s newest addition: the class of 2012. This is the story of that boy’s seven-hour transformation from young child to rugged man.

7:32 a.m.
B* enters the crowded hallway, head ducked and eyes averted, cringing as the loud shouts of passing students reverberate through his ears. He’s jostled along by the throng of intimidating upper classmen, anxious to get to class. Suddenly, a hush falls over the group, as it parts to reveal Squames Jires*, looming large. B smiles nervously, contemplating an escape into the nearest classroom, as the god-like figure opens his arms for a hug. B tentatively returns the gesture, as Squames smiles broadly, pats him on the head, and says cheerfully: “You are mine. I am going to kill you.” A good start to a great day.

8:35 a.m.
B emerges from his Guitar class, a bit more shaken than when he entered. For 55 minutes, he has not been learning the guitar. He has been listening fearfully as two upperclassmen, RL* and ZB*, helpfully elaborate on Squames’s earlier threats. Mr. Tsutakawa is so immersed in his teachings that he fails to notice the wide-eyed look of terror on the face of the younger student.

9: 40 a.m.
B breaks out his snack, naively thinking that “Nutrition” is a time for eating. He immediately has plastic baggy of almonds confiscated. There is no eating on the second floor. God forbid that the rats should be tempted to venture above ground level.

11:53 a.m.
Descending the sunny steps, on the lookout for his friends, B is approached by a herd of glowing older women; the ‘010 girls are making their move. “Hey B!” They cry ecstatically. “How’s high school?” “Oh my god, you look just like your sister. You guys are actually twins.” B smiles nervously, shaking their hands and then continuing on his way. He spots a group of his friends waiting nearby, and notes with pleasure the looks of awe in the youngsters’ starstruck eyes.

12:20 p.m.
Emboldened by his encounter with the lovely ladies, B strolls into his math class, confidently sitting down across from two freshman girls. His heart leaps as he hears the assignment for the day; making paper plate nametags just happens to be his forte.

12:30 p.m.
Under the pretense of showing his nametag to his friend at the table next door, B holds up his paper plate proudly. He imagines the looks of wonder that are surely spreading across the faces of the two sitting opposite him. Unfortunately, as he casts a sideways glance in their direction, they are not paying attention. Feigning nonchalance, he quickly drops the plate and looks the other way.

1:19 p.m.
On his way to sixth period, B is nearly late as he takes a wrong turn and walks a full circle around the third floor searching for his classroom. Fortunately, every single other student is doing the same thing, so no one notices him wander past the same bathroom three times before a kind teacher points out that his class is in fact not even on that floor.

2:25 p.m.
B stands at the Metro stop, chatting idly to a classmate. As he prepares to board the bus, he sees a face in the distance that bears a strong resemblance to that of Squames Jires. Desperate to hide, he hastens to the back of the bus and seats himself between two people whose clothing almost certainly violate the Metro Ride Right Guidelines (“Bringing onto transit property odors which unreasonably disturb others”). He has survived his first day. Welcome to Garfield High, B.

*names have been changed