Cell Phones
By far the funniest cell phone commerical was the Motorola Megan Fox ad. And to make things even better, she’s not wearing any clothes the whole thing. I don’t even remember if there were any other cell phone commercials but this was one of the few ads during the entire game that I could actually pay attention to for all 30 seconds.

Food
The McDonalds commercial with Dwight Howard and LeBron James’ wins this category. It was decently funny, but the dunks were also just filthy (even though they probably weren’t real). Honorable mention goes to Coke for their African Safari commercial, although Coke loses points for its stupid Simpsons commercial.

Beer
An absolute disappointment from the beer companies. Normally the funniest out of all the commercials, we were stuck watching stupid Lost parodies and T-Pain references. Bud Light wins the category, but only for their Book Club commercial where the girl asks the guy if he likes Little Women and he says “I’m not picky.” No honorable mentions because just about all the rest were terrible

Car
The Audi Green Police ad was the funniest, although it was really more of an environment ad than a car ad. Honorable Mentions go to the Volkswagen SlugBug commercial with Tracy Jordan and Stevie Wonder, and the Brett Favre 2020 MVP Hyundai Sonata commercial, because nobody likes Brett Favre.

Website
Normally I don’t like their stupid baby commercials, but the E-Trade commercials on Sunday were actually pretty funny. Personal favorites were the Milkaholic commercial with the little baby booty call (Milkawhat?) and the Airplane commercial. Honorable mention goes to Monster for the commercial with the beaver violinist.

Overall
Despite disappointments from many sides, this year’s Doritos commercials made up for any poor showings from other companies. The Samurai one and the House Rules one (“keep yo hands off mah momma, keep yo hands off mah Doritos”) were easily the funniest of the whole game, and were definitely my personal favorites. These commercials were by far the high point of the Super Bowl.

The USC football team has more scholarships than any other school in the country and some of the most money. USC spent over 20 million dollars on the football team in one year.

A school with the money to spend on high-end facilities and recruiting in the country has to have a ridiculous record. They get to pick which five-star, ESPN top 150 recruit they want.  To get a glimpse at how well off this team is, their third string quarterback, Mitch Mustain, was a five star recruit coming out of high school and was previously the starting quarterback at Arkansas as a freshman.  So I ask, how much coaching did this team really need?

Pete Carroll built his whole team up to have the smartest, fastest, filthiest freak athletes.  With the two of the best coordinators in the game at his side, USC was able to roll over opponents.  But take away that fiery defensive coordinator Nick Holt and wise beyond his years Steve Sarkisian, and USC loses to the previous unwinnable Huskies, coached by his two former assistants.

Without Holt and Sark, USC went 9–4 and got a small consolation prize with a victory in the Emerald Bowl against Boston College.  Coach Carroll looked bad, and didn’t hesitate to get out before people saw his true coaching talent.

Carroll started his coaching career at the University of the Pacific, where he had played college football as a safety.  After going through minor jobs in the NFL ranks between the Minnesota Vikings and the New York Jets, he was promoted to head coach of the Jets in 1994.

After going 6–10 in his first year and falling victim to Dan Marino’s famed “fake spike play,” Carroll was fired and quickly found a coaching job with the San Francisco 49ers.

He then later picked up the head coaching job for the New England Patriots where he had eight up and down seasons with an accumulative 33–31 record, two playoff appearances and another firing.  One might say that this doesn’t appear to be too bad, but then look at Bill Belichick. He was hired in the wake of Carroll and won three Super Bowls.

Carroll had a tough time in the NFL, getting fired both times as a head coach. In addition, he was sandwiched between two of the best coaches of all time while with the Patriots, Bill Parcels and Bill Belichick.

I’m a loyal UW fan, as I am sure many other Garfield students are.  The year I started getting into sports was the year the Trojans became filthy. I had reached the maturity level to be able to sit through a whole football game at Husky stadium, so my dad brought me along one day.

My first game featured the Huskies and Carroll’s Trojans, and after seeing a thorough stomping of my Huskies, a passion of hatred began.  Never have I liked seeing the Trojans win the Pac-10 championship year after year, and I will never forget how they took away our best hometown talent, Taylor Mays, who just finished his senior year at safety for the Trojans.

My prediction is Pete Carroll will stay in Seattle for five years and make the playoffs once; twice or more would be a stretch.  The team will have a losing record in the last two years and he will get fired, go back to some college school that spends all their money on football, and look like a coaching deity again.

Some argue that college ball is all about recruiting.  It is true that Carroll has coached some of the best at USC. But I don’t buy it. No matter how good you are at recruiting, how talented the rest of your staff is, or who your players are, there is no way a team can pull off a 97–19 record without a good coach.

Carroll brought USC two national championships and seven consecutive Pac-10 titles.  If he is half as successful in Seattle as he was in California, the Seahawks will be in great shape.

I realize it’s always a risky move to hire a college coach as head coach of an NFL team.  However, the rumors that college coaches are never successful in the NFL are not true.

Even over the last 25 years, quite a number of coaches straight out of college ball have repeatedly taken their NFL teams to the playoffs.

Dennis Green set the record for most points in a season in 1998 with the Minnesota Vikings. Before coaching for them, Green had been head coach at Stanford University.

Jimmy Johnson coached for the University of Miami before he was asked to be head coach of the Dallas Cowboys.  He won two Super Bowls with them.

Steve Mariucci, a California coach like Carroll, had a 57–39 record with the 49ers, finishing first in the NFC West during his first and last years in San Francisco.

Carroll isn’t some scared newbie NFL coach either.  He coached in the NFL for four years before coaching at USC.  He was the head coach for the New York Jets for one year and coached the New England Patriots for three years.

Although his record with the Patriots wasn’t fabulous, it wasn’t terrible either.  He was 33–31, which is better than former Seahawks coach Jim Mora’s career record.

Mora has been coaching in the NFL since 1985, which just goes to show that a long NFL career doesn’t automatically mean sucess.

Carroll’s statistics were only average in the NFL, but he earned great respect from his players. According to an article by Danny O’Neal, Carroll’s former players were full of praise.

“[Carroll] just really understood how defenses were supposed to be run,” Lawyer Milloy said.  “He put players in the right position according to their skill level.”

Milloy played for Carroll for the three years he coached the Patriots.  The Patriot quarterback at the time was Drew Bledsoe.  He also raved about Carroll’s coaching.

“If in fact [Carroll] does end up in Seattle, I predict that would be a situation that would be very, very successful,” Bledsoe said.

When Carroll returned to college football and accepted the coaching position at USC, Trojan fan were outraged.  They held protests.  They said he knew too much about the NFL, and not enough about college ball.

Carrols critics should decide which it is.  He can’t be too experienced with  both the NFL and college ball.

Carroll came through for the Trojans. There is no reason he can’t do the same for the Seahawks.

I’m not saying he’s a prophet who will bring us out of the darkness to become the best football team in NFL history.  I’m not even saying we’ll get a Super Bowl trophy this year.  It’s a coach’s job to see that a team reaches their full potential.  The Seahawks deserve that chance to show what they can do. They just need a push in the right direction, and that’s what Carroll will give them.

I eagerly await the Seahawks’ first game this year, and then Carl, we shall see who’s right about Pete Carroll.

The dog house reverberates with the sound of athletes pounding down the court, the blares of the marching band, and the cheers of high kicking cheerleaders.  But all that noise is drowned out behind the roar of the student section.

Everyone knows the boys basketball team is hugely successful, that’s why it pays to be a Bulldog.  But take a step back and take a closer look at that crowd in the bleachers.

They hoot and they holler.  They make more noise then anybody else, but sometimes the student section doesn’t get as much credit as they deserve.

The Spartans were savage warriors, but even they could not have fought without the support of their helot slaves.  Like the Spartans, bulldog basketball team needs the support of its fans.

Like the Seahawks’ 12^th man, the Garfield student section pushes bulldog basketball on to new heights.  They cheer Wilson “hardest workers in the game” Platt to keep on working.  They praise scoring machine Glenn Brooks for each of his baskets, and can’t get enough of DesJuan Newton’s flying rebounds.

Garfield student section’s Facebook quote is “We go hard.” The Bulldogs play hard and the student section cheers hard for them.  They yell for defense and scream at every shot.  Every swat is met with jubilation and every point with celebration.

With an impressive 12–1 home game record the team is holding true to the motto.

But Garfield student section’s cheers aren’t limited to friendly encouragement.  The student section also likes to give helpful reminders to the opposition.

Only excellence is accepted on the Garfield court. So when kids bring their fouls and cheating ways to the Doghouse, Garfield student section tells them what they need to hear,

“U-U-U-U-U-YOUUUUUUU SUCK!”

When it comes to basketball, the problem with a lot of schools is that they don’t like getting the beat down. Some of them, like the Athletic Director at Redmond High School, John Applegate, get a tad bit whiny.

The folks in Redmond might know how to program a computer, but they do not know how to play basketball.

The always helpful Garfield student section was just pointing out a few of their all too common travels and airballs and the Redmond AD got all huffy.  He comes over to our very own Athletic Director, Jim Valier.

Valier recalls that the Redmond AD told him fans “couldn’t yell ‘AIRBALL’ or ‘BACK TO BASICS,’” two of the student section’s favorite cheers.

I don’t blame Applegate completely for trying to settle the bulldog fans.  If I was getting smacked by Garfield, I wouldn’t be the most receptive pupil to the Garfield type of teaching.  If a congregation of fans told me “YOU CANT DO THAT,” I’d be mad too.

Anybody that has been to a Garfield basketball game knows the pleasure of ridiculing a non-Bulldog, and anybody who hasn’t is missing out.

There are times to be nice all day long, but there are only certain circumstances that chanting taunts is appropriate. And Garfield basketball games are definitely one of those times.

That being said, there is a line that can be crossed. Valier says he condones the common “BACK TO BASICS” type cheers that are just part of the game, but things start getting iffy when fans “find personal things about a kid to exploit or get inside their head.”

Many high school principles and athletic directors are advocating for stricter and/or more standardized sportsmanship rules to prevent what could be considered mean spirited chants.

This discussion is not a new one; in the Garfield Annual Yearbook of 1996, there are pictures of Garfield students at an interhighshool sportsmanship meeting.  Unfortunately, Garfield and other intercity schools, who historically have a poor attendance rate, are often out of the debate.

Complaints about mean spirit set aside, the student section is a generally positive group. Coach Ed Haskins encourages all bulldog fans to come out and cheer on the team.

Valier is also happy to talk about the student section, which he think “builds community,” in a school of about 1700 and is a great way to “show school spirit.”

It’s also a blast to cheer on fellow bulldogs. Garfield is a very diverse school, but every bulldog has a common interest in a nasty basketball team.

If you haven’t boasted your purple and white at a game yet, then its time to show some bulldog pride. Lets go bulldogs, HARD.

But the school district decided to take no action on the subject, citing uncertainty in projected enrollment numbers. Franklin moved down to 3A Metro last year, but only because their enrollment levels were too low for 4A.  The District decided to keep the inner-city schools in KingCo through the 2009–2010 year. League rules require a year’s notification before any cross-conference transfers, so Garfield couldn’t move until the next athletic cycle, which starts in fall of 2012. But it is entirely possible that they will pull us, Ballard and Roosevelt out of KingCo, and combine Metro into a 3A/4A conference. 

This would mean a couple of very significant changes. It would mean that some of our less-than-successful teams might start winning a few games. After all, Garfield’s football team did go undefeated against inner-city schools this past fall. Without having to run up against high schools with genetically mutated, trained-since-they-could-walk super-athletes, the city schools would definitely fare better. Only playing inner-city teams would also supposedly decrease travel costs and missed classroom time, although the School District has yet to release any data confirming this theory. 

On the other hand, the disparity in size between schools like Garfield (enrollment of 1600) and Rainier Beach (enrollment of 360) would probably create even more of an imbalance. And many say that competition between inner-city and suburban schools has helped break down cultural barriers. Being a part of KingCo also gives Garfield’s JV and C teams opponents to compete against, while some schools in Metro are struggling to field a Varsity. And the heightened competition from Eastside schools is a good thing in a lot of ways, providing the stronger Garfield teams with better opponents during the season, giving them increased chances in the postseason.

Either way, no decision will be made for at least a few months, but the question remains; in a conference of Jake Heaps and US National Team soccer players, do we belong?

Originating from a Super Bowl half-time pay-per-view event, the Lingerie Football League is in the middle of their 2009 inaugural season. The game is played on a field 50 yards long by 30 yards wide, with no field goals. Scoring is similar to the NFL, but some argue that the real scoring, for the fans at least, comes when the players spontaneously start making out.
Some will say that this is only a marketing scheme, but I believe that true love is boundless and can even be found on a football field after a rousing match of lingerie football. The seven players on each team are expected to wear a helmet akin to a hockey helmet, shoulder pads, and the laciest of lacy lingerie.

Beefy defensive guards are not found in the LFL, as most of the women are very slender; some are even models.

Teams such as the Seattle Mist, San Diego Seduction, and the Miami Caliente compete for the honor that comes from being the top team in the LFL.

For those interested, the Seattle Mist play in the ShoWare Center in Kent.The possibility of wardrobe malfunctions and make out sessions should be enough to goad fans to go and watch the fun. If a drive out to Kent is a little too far, simply make the trip to LFLUS.com where all the games are posted. Unfortunately, all of the games cost $7.95 to watch online,  strangely similar to another internet service that many men pay for … 

Watching some highlights on Youtube reveals that these girls can actually play. Bone crushing tackles and sensational interceptions are not things reserved for the NFL. One can only wonder how much better football would be played and how many fewer people would come to the games if the women were not judged on their looks and physique alone.

Thinking about the Lingerie Football League gives me hope for women’s athletics in the future, and at the same time, encourages me to reflect on what this year’s powderpuff game could and should have been like.

The new Garfield dance team coach, Maxie Jamal, is one of those people.  Her commanding, teach-by-example coaching methods transform even a dry place such as an alcove in the Alder hallway, where they practice, into a boisterous all out dance studio. If anyone would happen to chance down the Garfield halls on a Thursday night, you might can hear Jamal repeating her colorful instruction.

“Ya’ll got to clean this up,” she says exasperatedly after a few failed practice rounds.  Or my personal favorite, “Turn the doorknob, come on!” she exclaims while acting out a turning motion with her hand and hips.

“We have fun,” she says with a laugh that had already become trademark after only 10 minutes of talking.

The dance coaches are as interactive in the dance practices as the dancers themselves, often stepping in for routines and teaching by example.  The entire practice takes place against a backdrop of constant interaction and advice from the coaches, whether it be counting out the beat, or dancing themselves.

Jamal is in her first year coaching the dance team at Garfield, and is already expanding and redefining the program on more levels than one.

“All that that booty stuff has to go,” she says. “We’re going to try to get more structure, maybe incorporate some ballet in the mix.”

This year has seen a surge in dance team popularity and size.  More than 50 kids attended tryouts, and due to school policy, not coach’s choice, some had to be cut.  Nevertheless, the dance team has grown considerably since last year.  With the abundance of new additions to the team comes inexperience, as this year is the first time dancing on the team for most.  However this does not translate into a lack of talent.  The team is stacked with up and coming dance phenoms that can jerk like a fish on a hook, shake like a maraca, and lean like a cholo.

Along with the obvious growth and diversification, perhaps the most striking difference to this year’s team is the incorporation of male dancers.  At first it’s a strange sight; throughout the last few years, my classmates and I have come to associate the Garfield Dance Team as a dozen or so beautiful gyrating goddesses during our school assemblies.  However, Jamal and the newly redefined dance team hope to shake this stereotype.

“Having men on the team adds strength and power to everything,” Jamal explains. “It’s not so catty.”

However, coach Jamal also can bust some moves of her own.  An ex-Bulldog dance team member herself, and a graduate of 2000, Jamal is well versed in the ways of dance.  After graduation, she moved to Los Angeles where she began dancing professionally, and only recently moved back to Seattle to pursue a career in teaching dance.
Now to address the question that is on all of your minds—what is up with Bubblin’ Brown?  I was wondering the same thing.

When I popped the question on coach Jamal, it was followed by the expedient scoff-accompanied response, “Of course!”

After breathing that sigh of relief, we can turn our focuses toward what looks to be a very promising and productive season for Garfield Dance. Often the term “reconstruction year” does not go hand in hand with a successful one, but in this case, it does.  With a completely new team, new coach, and a new swagger, the Garfield dance team looks ready for success.  Expect great things out of this crew, and welcome back to the dog house Coach Jamal.

This is a real sport … This is the real deal. And we play for keeps.

In a society where World Wrestling Entertainment still has viewers, despite being closer to a reality TV show than a sport, it can be easy to forget what real competition looks like.

Lucky for everybody who’s sick of hearing about Tiger Woods banging East Coast gold diggers (none of whom are as hot as his wife), a couple of ladies down in White Center are bringing the fire back to competitive sports. They are known as the Rat City Rollergirls, and they mean business.

Roller derby is a fairly complex sport. The short story is that one player from each team (known as the jammer) can score points for their team by lapping members of the other team. All the non-jammers (either pivots or blockers) skate in a pack together, and attempt to help their own jammer pass members of the other team while simultaneously preventing the opposing jammer from passing them.

There are a ton of rules governing the ways that blockers can prevent the other jammer from passing them. I didn’t actually read them, but from what I gather, they are allowed to use their hips, shoulders, and under some circumstances elbows, to make the jammer’s life a little bit harder. So, it’s kind of like hockey, but without a puck. And it’s played by women that I’m pretty sure could tear most hockey players up limb by limb.

Roller Derby traces its origins back to the 1930s when the name itself was trademarked by a traveling group, of professional skaters who would hold skating matches in cities across the US. Gradually expanding its base of popular support, the original form of Roller Derby grew slowly over the next 40 years, but collapsed in the 1970’s. It has since experienced a revival, and in recent years, leagues have been springing up in cities across the country. The Rollergirls were founded in 2004, but the all-star team quickly rose to the top of the national standings by 2007, sweeping the Western Regional Tournament and upstaging the former top-ranked Texas Texecutioners. The league itself has grown steadily ever since.

These ladies, the Rat City Rollergirls, claim the South Seattle suburb of White Center as their home. Apparently, White Center used to be called Rat City, which is where their name came from, although nobody knows why. Theories abound as to where the nickname came from, but in the end, as the website says,

No matter the origin, it’s a pretty badass name. We love it. Meets are held in White Center’s Southgate Skating Center, and apparently the Rollergirls have even adopted a stretch of roadway here.

The league itself is comprised of four teams: Derby Liberation Front, Grave Danger, Sockit Wenches, and Throttle Rockets, with an all-star team (known simply as the Rat City Rollergirls All-Stars) that does all the regional and national-level playing. This all-star team has been at the top of the rankings pretty consistently over the past couple of years. Although they experienced a drop to fourth place in the Western division this year, they will still be a force to contend with this year.

The team is comprised of girls I would not want to run into in a dark alley, and features names like Kitty Kamikaze, Valtron 3000, Drea the Slaya, Wile E. Peyote, and my personal favorite, Sheeza Brickhouse. All that’s missing is a 400-pound woman named Olga, and these ladies would probably be capable of taking out a tank with their roller skates. Portland got nothin’.

These ladies have become the exception to so many of the unwritten rules that society has laid down. They have pretty successfully proven that women can be competitive, despite any evidence to the contrary. They have also proven that girl on girl fights can be pretty brutal (although I still think that the hair-pulling and clawing variety are more entertaining.)

But perhaps most importantly, they have established beyond any shadow of a doubt that women can compete in intense, physical sports that most guys wouldn’t have the balls to go anywhere near. Let’s be honest, I’ve played soccer against guys who look like tanks that can grow Gimli beards, but I would never in a million years go up for a header against Coach Corporal Punishment (again, her real name from the website).

Unfortunately for those guys who might see themselves up to the challenge, the roller derby league is currently only open to women. Tryouts are held semi-regularly, and tryout dates are posted on the website. Other requirements include being over 21, having a current passport or birth certificate, and having valid health insurance (a very important part of the sport, from what I understand). But for those women who fancy themselves capable, the sport has done wonders for its participants. Serving both as an inspiration to feminists everywhere, and as a healthy way to take all their anger out on the world, Roller Derby has become the epitome of what a sport should be—a lifestyle.

2. Wroten returns
This is something I’ve basically been hearing about through the grapevine. Word on the street is that Tony has to pass a “jump test” (whatever the hell that means) on February 14. Then, after two weeks of practice, he will be eligible to compete in games. So his estimated date of return is February 28. In addition to it being the day before Miguel’s birthday (which doesn’t happen this year. HA!), it’s the last day of the district tournament. While the team definitely has the talent to win state without him, having him would certainly be nice. We’ll see if he returns or not.

3. Pete Carroll to the Seahawks
Wait, what the Hell? Pete “recruiting violation” Carroll? Professional football? Honestly, you can look at this from two perspectives. The first, more pessimistic perspective is, “WHYYYYYY Seahawks WHYYYY???” The second is, “This really helps UW football. A lot.” I look at it from both perspectives. It’s a pretty boneheaded move in a long string of pretty boneheaded moves on the part of the Seahawks, giving a buttload of money and power over the roster to a coach unproven on the professional level. But this truly will help the Huskies a lot. Go Dawgs.

4. Gilbert Arenas
For those who don’t know, Gilbert Arenas brought a big bucket of guns to the basketball arena with him, then pulled one on his teammate over a gambling debt. Hold up. He did WHAT? Yeah, he makes 17 million dollars a year. And he pulled a gun over a gambling debt. What a weiner. His team, the Wizards, removed any trace of him from their arena and the NBA suspended him indefinitely without pay. It’s a shame; I loved watching him shout “Hibachi” every time he nailed a three. Or, thought he had.