Now, imagine Average Joe’s life without the burdens of false promises, unrealistic expectations, and idealistic babble.

You see, Joey’s glass was poured half empty, so to speak. He was given neither brawn nor brain, just a healthy dose of optimism. Unfortunately, no one ever told Average Joe that fatalism and pessimism are the cousins of realism.

Granted, optimism has an important role to play (letting the pathetic people of the world escape their looming evils), but when it comes down to it, even the most positive outlook on life isn’t going to keep Joe’s 95-year-old grandmother out of the hospital, feed a starving child in a third world country, or get T.I. out of jail to perform at my 18th birthday party.

So when it comes to making dreams come true, the key is to dream smaller.

There are certain global issues that must be solved immediately—runaway climate change, reliance on non-renewable energy sources, global economic pandemonium, and the widespread substitution of “lol” for genuine laughter—but what we need to solve these problems is a more pessimistic, or realistic, vision of our future.

Optimism allows millions of people to comfortably refute global warming because they find it personally convenient. Optimism encourages people that don’t change their behavior to expect a better result. Optimism is what misled Joey into believing that he ever had a chance with Mary.

Optimism leads people to believe that if they work hard enough, they can expect a favorable outcome. But even if Joey practices the necessary 10,000 hours to become an expert cellist, there is no guarantee that he won’t get run over by a bus or locomotive (and Julliard rarely accepts the applications of crippled cellists).

If any or all of this disturbs you, remember that I’m not the dream-crusher here, the real world is. There are those who would argue that optimism gives people something to believe in, right? And the answer is yes… until their wildly unrealistic, utopian expectations don’t come true and they’re left with nothing but a penny for their thoughts.

Over the next three weeks, thousands of children will slowly discover that Santa Claus isn’t brought to life by Christmas cheer. Watch as their dreams are crushed by the packages in the broom closet. Maybe their stack of presents isn’t as impressive as those they’ve seen in dozens of Christmas movies that they were brought up on—not everybody gets a mountain of gifts. If only these children hadn’t had high expectations to begin with, everyone would’ve been happy with what they got.

In this day and age, optimism is dangerous because it too often takes the place of action; those that suffer from unchecked optimism all have the same story of continual disappointment. So as the holiday season begins and the world makes resolutions for the New Year, my advice is to dream as small as you possibly can.

But then I realized that it’s 2010 and I’ve spent more time with the internet over the last five years than just about any other person, place, thing, or concept.

The iPad boasts 16-64GB of hard drive space, a 9.7 inch screen, a 1GHZ processer, 10 hour battery life (while constantly watching videos), Bluetooth, wifi, and for when internal sense of direction fails, a compass. Additionally, it has turned instant classic with the 4.5 million YouTube viewers who loved watching Iggy the cat play with a virtual string and keyboard.

However, there are also some disappointing drawbacks: no Flash player, no phone, and no camera. Most websites require Flash player to fully function with anything other than text. Though this seems like a huge problem, my friendly, neighborhood Apple manager kindly showed me the ever expanding list of websites who have redesigned their entire look for the iPad and run on HTML5 which allows video streaming and such. Phone-wise, this means no Skyping from the top of the Space Needle, and without a camera there will be no taking pictures of the perfect prom dress to send to all your friends. However, Apple is predicted to remedy this disastrous predicament with a built-in camera for the second generation.

At first glance, the iPad looks as though an iPhone and the screen of a Macbook had a child, and it was lucky enough to get both the beauty and the brawn. But upon further inspection I realized that it’s surprisingly cumbersome. The size felt too small for two hands but much too large for one, and while it weighed more than I expected, it still felt too fragile to actually put in a backpack or carry outside. When attempting to type, I found myself wanting to prop it up so that I could see the screen at a better angle. The go-to-guy on my right kindly explained that a plug in keyboard is an easy option for remedial touch typers like me. Not only does it serve as a keyboard but it also holds up the screen behind it. Just like a laptop.      
       
Needless to say, Apple has clearly mastered the art of features and form, but I’m left wondering where the function is. The iPad is not meant to replace a home computer (desktop or laptop) in that it is designed to be docked to an outside hard drive (you need to hook it to your computer for music, photos, etc.). On the other hand, it’s not meant to replace the iPhone due to its relatively massive size and the fact that jogging with an iPad would look down right goofy.

“I don’t think it will change the way I do school work but for reading yes. For example, in my LA class I chose to read Their Eyes Were Watching God on the iPad using the ebook feature. It really is more entertaining to read from than a book,” says Garfield junior Julian Novais.

The book feature is practical for students, especially because it has a search bar in the book to make looking up quotes or a certain US history battle as quick as can be. And rumor has it, the iPad is quite the rage in techy hospitals because it serves as a virtual clipboard. But to me this doesn’t cut it. Since it only offers a select few qualities not found in a laptop or iPod and can’t replace either, I hardly see the draw to anyone outside the “I’m a hipster and I’ll buy anything with an ‘i’ in front of it” cult following that Apple has developed.

Perhaps most commendable is the buzz that Apple has once again succeeded in creating. In its initial presentation, Steve Jobs announced that there would indeed be a photo application. But the glimmer in his eye seemed to say “Yes, you heard me correctly, real pictures. On a screen. Worship me.” And even though realistically this is far from exciting, watching him almost made me, a skeptic in my own right, sure that I needed one.

The iPad was first described by Jobs as “magical and revolutionary,” two adjectives that conjure images of civil rights leaders riding unicorns into battle. However, it is actually an over-hyped cat toy that millions of people watched get used as such, thanks to their laptop or desktop computers.

In the past, headlining bands were designed to bring in the big crowds. This year’s lineup features Pavement, Ween, My Morning Jacket, Massive Attack, LCD Soundsystem, Vampire Weekend, and MGMT. Though these bands are highly respected and anticipated as well as offer an eclectic mix of musical styles, this year the main course seems to instead be in the midlevel bands all hand selected by Sasquatch! founder Adam Zacks.

Zacks also appears to have rethought the Sasquatch! target audience with a new focus on local (and top 40 … ?) hip-hop that stands out amongst the indie bands. Brother Ali, Public Enemy, Wale and Kid Cudi all grace the list as well as locals Fresh Espresso and Shabazz Palaces. DJs Deadmau5, Z-Trip and A-Track have also earned themselves a spot in the lineup. Not only does this mean a broader spectrum of people attending the festival, but also a lot more crazy dancing with strangers. Hopefully this will contrast perfectly with the other side of Sasquatch! that involves reclining on a grassy knoll.

Over in the comedy/dance tent, The Office’s Craig Robinson, The Daily Show’s Rob Riggle and Parks and Recreations’ Aziz Ansari as well as many other humorous folk will be working for laughs. And thank goodness that the tent, affectionately named the Rumpus Room, houses not only comedy by day but dancing by night so that should there ever be a gap in must-see bands, a welcoming home awaits.

Though the schedule hasn’t been released yet, there are a few bands which I refuse to miss, even if it means obtaining a Hermione-style hourglass to see both at the same time.

Saturday
One of the bands I’m most looking forward to seeing is Why? Don’t get confused, their name is just a question. Coming out of my car speakers, their hip-hop and indie fusion is to die for and will most likely surpass that compliment in live performance. Miike Snow is a Swedish producing duo who’s childhood friendship paved the path toward great music and hopefully a great show. I haven’t seen either of these two bands live, but I can recommend from experience that The Hold Steady concert will be unforgettable. Lead singer Craig Finn’s constant shaky movements feed the crowd’s energy and the band’s descriptive lyrics paint pictures to match. Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros, Wale, Laura Marling, and The Lonely Forest are also high on my priorities list.

Sunday
Last summer, “Bitte Orca” by The Dirty Projectors leaked just as the sun was beginning to come out and just in time to become my anthem for the next two months. Their music will no doubt bring a bright and summery yet intricate and inventive air to the Sasquatch breeze. Kid Cudi is a strange person to throw in the mix, but is certainly skilled and will spice things up in a new direction. In the same style, I’m looking forward to mix master DJ A-Track to recreate the Sasquatch! 2009 Girl Talk experience, arguably one of my most memorable concerts to date. Additionally, The Fruit Bats, The Tallest Man On Earth, City and Colour, and local band, The Long Winters will be sure to keep the crowds entertained.

Monday
The Mountain Goats have been a musical staple in my life since middle school. Their lyrically masterful new album will hopefully translate into an equally raw and unapologetic performance. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Hudson Mohawke will no doubt provide the beats for those more interested in the producers/DJs of the festival. No Age, Camera Obscura, and Neon Indian all have relatively new music to be promoting as well as distinct styles that will leave indie lovers wanting more, while hip-hop duo Fresh Espresso will stand in to represent Seattle.

Over the last seven seasons, the number of viewers has grown to an average of 10 million each week. American children and parents with their household pets gather around the television to watch as a struggling family is sent on a beautiful vacation. But the real show isn’t their trip; folks watch as thousands of volunteers work to transform their house into everything they ever dreamed that it could be. The show is concluded with a tour, revealing the final product of the crew’s hard work.

Additionally, over the last seven seasons, two key things have changed: the entire economic climate as well as the size of the houses being built. While the economy was still booming, the developers of the show let each house grow bigger and better because design companies competed over the free publicity. Additionally, America didn’t want to spend an hour a week watching a mediocre house get built for an extraordinary family.

After seeing their new house, most recipients cry tears of joy for the new lives that they assume accompany new McMansions.

Fast-forward several years and the fairytale ending has transformed into mortgages and foreclosure signs. Most families, usually because of their pre-existing special circumstances, couldn’t pay their taxes or electrical bills in the first place, but with a huge new home, these costs skyrocketed and left them worse off.

Though the show might be giving these families several millions of dollars in real estate, the house is worth nothing if no one wants to buy it. Granted, housing market collapses were far from the producers minds back in 2003 but now, the deserving families who just wanted a comfortable living space are paying the price and being kicked out onto the street.

The show is aware of the problem and working to dial back, but the families whose lives have already been changed haven’t received any support.

“I think our hearts were in the right place, but we just got carried way,” said interior designer Tracy Hutson in an interview with the Wall Street Journal. “It can be extreme without being the biggest house you’ve ever seen.”

It seems that for now “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” is adding unnecessary financial pressures on the very lives it meant to improve.

I set out to retrieve Turner from her class for an interview and was disappointed to find that she wasn’t in her usual fifth period. Instead, I found her in the art room. In front of her laid a sketch notebook and a simple photograph, the same beautiful woman staring up from both. In the set, both women had the same dimples and creases on their faces from smiling, the same cocked head and gleaming eyes, but one was a replica which Turner had created.

“I’ve learned a lot since freshman year Drawing and Painting [class],” Turner explained. “I never considered art a big part of my life until high school.”

Perhaps my initial surprise at hearing of Turner’s artistic ability stemmed from associating her with athleticism. An avid softball player for Garfield and another select community team, it’s easy to see how she’s developed a jock status. It’s rare to see someone so athletically talented also have another brilliant skill.

Though being recruited for AP art as a junior is accomplishment enough, Turner recently helped paint a mural at an Eritrean dance club/café. “It’s of dancers and Bob Marley and Michael Jackson.” The mural turned out brilliantly and looks far beyond the abilities of a high school student.

Though Turner loves the art program at Garfield, she’s pragmatic about how to incorporate art in the rest of her life. “I’m not going to go to an art school because it’s not realistic to get an art major, but I’m considering majoring in architecture because that’s a way that I could apply art to the real world.”

Art may not be what many people associate the name Olivia Turner with now, but it could very likely be what it’ll be remembered for. In the years after high school, other classes will fill the halls but Turners art will stay permanent, at least in a local café and possibly in the blueprints of the next Seattle landmark.

Justin Bieber vs. Snooki

Though Snooki has made it clear that being short doesn’t necessarily hinder her ability to make it big, it might prevent her from succeeding in a fight. However, there is also little evidence to prove that Justin Bieber is over 4’9” himself, making this a duel for the ages. I’ve seen hard evidence that Snooki has been in a fight before (been successful is a different matter entirely) whereas Bieber seems to only be good at throwing fake house parties and charming three-year-olds.
Victor: Snooki

Optimus Prime vs. Lil Mama

Though Lil Mama is hardly a formidable foe for a creature as magnificent as Prime, keep in mind her magical lip gloss when weighing her attributes: if it can make her the most popular girl in school in a day, who knows what it could do as a weapon. But realistically speaking, this is only on the list because the thought of Optimus Prime destroying Lil Mama is delightful and entirely definite if they were faced against each other.
Victor: Optimus Prime

Miley Cyrus vs. Ke$ha

These two girls both think they’re hard, but a fight with either of them would probably result in girly little slaps and maybe some slightly aggressive kicking. I’ve seen both girls wear cowboy boots in recent music videos so steel toe protection shouldn’t be an issue. In the end, Ke$ha has done a better job convincing me that she could possibly have any street cred to speak of.
Victor: Ke$ha

Biggie Smalls vs. Valentino Coleman

This seems like an obvious one. Both men bring brawn to the table, but Biggie is…well, bigger. However, if I learned anything from the man who could bend a frying pan, it’s that our own personal celebrity, Coleman, represents big dreams and perhaps those dreams are just big enough to win in a duel against a giant. Or maybe Smalls would crush him.
Victor: Biggie Smalls.

Oprah Winfrey vs. Buzz Lightyear

Probably the single most ridiculous matchup possible, it is doubtful that either of these opponents would actually do any damage. As much as Lightyear represents my childhood, he also stands at a mere 11” is capable of little more than a few ankle scratches. Winfrey on the other hand probably wouldn’t be caught dead destroying anything so close to children’s hearts (though she could easily dismantle him). Lightyear may do his best to kick and shove Winfrey but would have little impact considering that the point of Toy Story was that he didn’t have powers and couldn’t do anything without Woody. We’ll just have to get Winfrey a little riled up before the match.
Victor: Oprah

Barak Obama vs. Lady Gaga

These two represent opposite ends of the celebrity spectrum. One is famous for his intelligent political action and being the first African American president. The other is known for her outrageous costumes, arguable musical talent and potentially having a penis. However, none of these characteristics seem to have any impact on what would happen when it comes down to raw bloodshed. My gut goes with Obama for the win, simply because I want to have faith in the man running our country. But on the other hand, Gaga is younger and no doubt more nimble, not to mention her pointy clothes and shoes, which could undoubtedly be used as weapons. But when push comes to shove, I believe that Obama would use his brains and teenage basketball brawn to emerge victorious.
Victor: Obama

Bono vs. the Wicked Witch of the West

Though the Wicked Witch of the West seems to be a top choice candidate in any battle based on title alone, we must remember her huge weakness: water. This is a substance which Bono most likely carries with him at all times in case there is a dire need to sing an impromptu concert in which he would no doubt get thirsty. However, what has Bono ever really fought, I mean other than poverty? Not to mention the Wicked Witch has the additional strength of her flying primate friends.
Victor: The Wicked Witch of the West

Listen to Irish music

Be it while you’re in the car on the way to school with the windows down or while a local leprechaun is revealing the location of his pot of gold, there is never a bad time to blast some good ol’ Irish tunes. Classic folk tunes are always a good choice while the pogues will most likely provide a higher level of entertainment. If you’re really ambitious, learn some Irish steps to show of to your friends.

Make Celtic knots

Not as commonly associated with St. Patrick’s Day but a grand symbol of the Irish Culture, take a break from friendship bracelets and tie some Celtic Knots. Turn this seemingly mundane activity into a romantic gesture by doing it with a loved one to symbolize tying the knot of companionship.

Eat only green food

For the more adventurous folk, limit your dietary habits to only green food for 24 hours. Don’t be turned away by the limited number of green foods that aren’t vegetables, try picking out only green Froot Loops or better yet die your own food. The options are endless.

Educate yourself

Research the real St. Patrick. Why is he a saint? Was he even Irish?! These are important questions in understanding the meaning of the holiday.

Wear green

A classic method of showing your spirit that also serves as a protection technique from tireless pinching.

Eat corned beef and cabbage

Although not the most appetizing of names, Corned Beef and Cabbage is a favored Irish dish and is commonly eaten on holidays. Be sure to steam the cabbage, then mash it up with lots of butter to get the full Irish effect.

Kiss every Irish person insight

We advise you to kiss every and any person who looks remotely Irish or claims to be Irish. If you kiss enough Irish people, some of their luck is sure to rub off on you.

Learn to speak Gaelic

Few people at Garfield have yet to master this task (Lily Anderson, you go girl), it is now time to rebirth this beautiful language so we can all speak in “code” to each other. Start with “Erin Go Bragh.” Translation: “Ireland Forever”.

Go rainbow hunting

Pick a rainbow and follow it to the end, if you’re lucky and leprechaun will be waiting there with his pot o’ gold.

Go to church

Contrary to popular belief, if you really want to celebrate St. Paddy’s like the Irish go to church. Don’t wear green. Don’t drink up a storm. Go to church and honor St. Patrick and all he did for Ireland.

With the newer Tim Burton productions, I’ve been increasingly disappointed. Part of which, I assume, was my own teenage mind, less impressed by the idea of sailing a peach across an ocean, and less afraid of a singing, gambling Boogie Man made of bugs. Though I don’t doubt the genius that he is, throughout “Alice in Wonderland” I couldn’t help but wonder whether Tim Burton’s brilliant mind had become a predictable landscape, whether the things he created would ever again posess originality they once had. I couldn’t help but wonder just where the wonder had gone.

Enter “Alice in Wonderland,” seemingly the perfect movie to let Tim Burton’s imagination run rampant. I expected a film which I could picture the next generation of children in zany households begging to watch on family movie night. The world of Wonderland has almost no rules and because the 2010 version is a sequel rather than a remake, with Alice (Mia Wasikowska) now an up and coming adult attempting to resist an ordinary, subservient lifestyle, the possibilities were endless, but the nonsense level was sadly sub-par.

Burton took many liberties, some of which did, in fact, result in masterful moments such as the mix of CGI and live action footage to match the story’s cross between reality and fantasy. The Caterpillar and the Cheshire Cat, voiced superbly by Alan Rickman and Stephen Fry, are magical and hit at what could have been.

He does indeed have the craft down of creating an imaginative world to get lost in, but rather than call it Wonderland, he’s changed the name to Underland, which says it all. With all the elements combined, Burton has become an underachiever.

Lewis Carroll’s original book was literally written about nonsense with the occasional (okay, more than occasional) drug reference. However, the 2010 edition made perfect sense. Its plot followed an ordinary plot line: introduction, developing intrigue, the part where the main character questions their own moral fiber, heroic climax of a battle between good vs. evil often involving a horrifying dragon, the good side winning (sorry if the ending was just spoiled for you because you were questioning what was going to happen next), and then a resolution. And for a world where everything is supposed to be an absurd twist on real life, I’ve seen this straight line outside of the rabbit hole many times before.

Admittedly, I’m not too familiar with the book sequel to “Alice in Wonderland,” Lewis Carroll’s “Through the Looking Glass.” But I assure you that it wasn’t the same “quest through dangerous lands to save the fate of this new world which I’ve come to think is amazing” plot as screen writer Linda Wo o l v e r t o n created in order to be the p e r f e c t movie.

M a n y of the c h a r a c t e r s met in Alice’s journey were past friends from the original “Alice.”

Most notable were the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp) who was charming with his giant fluorescent green eyes despite being the same delightfully crazed character Depp has played so many times before, as well as the iniquitous Queen of Hearts (Helena Bonham Carter) who delivered every “off with his head!” with perfectly self-assured heartlessness and indeed brought a bit of the book’s aloofness to the screen.

Her Knave of Hearts (Crispin Glover) has but one perfected scowling facial gesture while Carter’s White counterpart and little sister (Anne Hathaway) felt forced in her ethereal, even-my-plants-love-me ways.

Wasikowska’s main (only) job in the movie was to look confused and appealing as she walks through the land which she is convinced is only a dream. But rather than come across as a powerful woman out to slay the Jabberwocky on “Frabjous Day” with a sword that is implied to be somewhat mystical, when the time came to fight, Wasikowska seemed to lack a personality all together.

Carroll’s classic story has been retold and reimagined countless times. In this particular rendition, Burton seems to have indulged every random thought while leaving nothing ultimately inspiring.

The three-dimensional element of Alice no doubt added to the mystical world, but one would expect more from Tim Burton’s first delve into the additional dimension. Overall, “Alice” was good, but I expected more. And as I watched the credits role, I couldn’t help but wonder whether Burton had checked his “wonder” at the rabbit hole. Hopefully, Burton can find a return to his hypnotizing ways next time around.

The Ratings:
★ — Egg Shell
★★ — Candy Wrapper
★★★ — Mold Bread
★★★★ — Rotten Banana

Bad Girls Club
★★★★
Some reality shows help talented people achieve stardom, some offer deserving sufferers a new home to live in, and some—debatably the best—bring together the most dramatic and generally psychologically unbalanced strangers in the hopes of creating lasting … um … friendship. Bad Girls Club takes seven of America’s finest ladies and leaves them to fist-fight their way through emotional issues while their country laughs. I have nothing but respect for these fine women’s confidence and honesty.

I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant
★
Prior to watching, I knew nothing about this show other than its self-explanatory name, but I had the highest of hopes. However, after witnessing a woman unknowingly give birth into a toilet, I felt differently. The dramatic retelling of each story by real women who didn’t know they were pregnant, played over a theatrical imitation of the scene using the worst actors known to man left me feeling pathetic and with the desperate need to shower.

Toddlers and Tiaras
★★
This show has little to no purpose other than representing the majority of things I hate about our country. It traces the lives of kids, nay, toddlers and infants, as they prepare and compete in beauty pageants. One might suspect to see adorable little ones showing off how cute they are, but in reality most of the kids are like Satan with eyeliner. For the girls, the pre-stage routine involves fake nails, spray tans, fake teeth (because most are missing some or haven’t had braces yet), hair extensions, thousands of sequins, and enough make-up to make a 90 year-old look 40 (or a six year old look 30).Many of the divas cry the whole time, and we’re not talking an understandable I’m-being-forced-into-a-superficial-world-by-my-overbearing-mother cry of desperation, but rather the much more insidious I’m-not-tan-enough-and-my-mascara-is-too-light-and-I-won’t-compete-unless-I–get-my-froyo-first wail that comes with pageant life. However, I have to admit that the majority of this show is comprised of moments too horrible to look away, like a car wreck or an open wound (but with fake teeth).

Hoarders
★★★
I was skeptical about watching a show that revolves around the supposedly dramatic lives of people who keep everything, but was immediately captivated by their overwhelmingly bountiful rooms filled with useless stuff and even more impressed when the show crew excavated a dead cat from under a pile of rubbish. The owner’s response? “I was wondering where that cat went.” Though sometimes hilarious, the dramatic element of this show lies not in what is found, but rather in the impact such vast amounts of stuff can have on the lives of the collector’s family and friends. This show is trash, literally.

The Jersey Shore
★★★★
First take four men and four women, add a whole bunch of Italian-American stereotypes, then throw in a job and house on the New Jersey Shore, and an overwhelming amount of alcohol. Finally mix it all together with a hot tub on the roof and what’s left is my new favorite way to spend an hour. The Jersey Shore follows eight “Guidos/Guidettes” and gives them the responsibility of taking care of a house, working at a t-shirt store, and still finding time to blow and gel their hair perfectly every morning. Naturally, romance blossoms, friendships are formed, and Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino lifts up his shirt and pumps his fist at every chance he gets. To those who are skeptical, I say give this show a try; there is something in it for everyone.

The year 2009 brought 15 blockbuster movies in 3D, as well as announcements from Pixar and DreamWorks that they plan to release all their movies in three dimensions from now on. Compared to the six 3D films that were released in 2008, it is clear that the market for 3D films is increasing. Because movies are becoming more available through on-demand television and illegal downloading, Hollywood execs have to find other ways of captivating audiences in order to keep up movie revenue. And thus a new era of 3D film was born, which many believe will soon be part of every movie, despite the fact that 3D technology hasn’t advanced significantly since the 1950s.

In the late 1890s, just two decades after the first motion picture was released, the idea for a 3D film was thought up by William Friese-Greene, a photographer and inventor who projected two films side by side on a screen. It wasn’t until 1922, however, that the first real 3D movie was played. It was no Avatar or The Jonas Brother: 3D Concert Experience, but it was a huge step forward in two reel projection and it spurred an immediate 3D craze, which died down only a couple of years later.

Since then, the 3D craze reemerged in the late ’30s and early ’40s, the ’50s (known as “The golden era of 3D”), the mid ’60s with the invention of single strip formatting, the ’80s with the IMAX theaters and now; 2009, 3D glasses and all. Each time rising to a peak and then slowly trickling away.

So the question on everyone’s mind is whether or not this is just another spike on the century old 3D graph. Many say that 3D movie technology is now cost efficient enough that the 30 percent increase in ticket price makes up for the additional funding required to make 3D movies. However, it runs with a higher risk. Movies that have the potential to flop in the market have a lot more to lose because of the added costs of 2 reel projection. Perhaps this would limit the number of poorly made movies and restrict Hollywood to only the best of the best, but then again, is it really necessary to watch Michael Jackson’s: This is it in 3D?

Experts are undecided on the issue. One known critic, Roger Ebert, says that “There is a mistaken belief that 3D is ‘realistic.’ Not at all. In real life we perceive in three dimensions, yes, but we do not perceive parts of our vision dislodging themselves from the rest and leaping at us.” While DreamWorks Stereoscopic Supervisor Phil McNally, whose real name (it’s even on his drivers license) is “Captain 3D,” calls the 3D era an eye-opening experience. He says that “3D fundamentally is two cameras, in the same way our eyes are two cameras. If we close one eye, we’re not seeing in 3D, we’re seeing in mono. Opening two eyes literally allows our brains to get the spatial information we work with in real life.”

It costs theaters an average of $20,000 to remodel their facility in order to play the added dimension. This means that corporate theaters which already have the technology are golden, but it poses a problem for the small theaters that still charge $3 a ticket and don’t have a couple $10,000 bills to toss around if 3D becomes the usual. They will disappear, along with drive-ins and outdoor movie nights in the park, because no one is willing to pay for subpar. And with the possible addition of 3D movies to the average household, par will be increasing dramatically.

TV retailers also need “the next big thing” to make a 64 inch flat screen more appealing than a computer monitor. After HDTV flopped with the invention of Blu Ray, major electronic manufacturers decided to replace the “H” and try their luck with a numeral: 3DTV appears to be the next unexplored frontier in home entertainment. And with Samsung, Song, LG and Panasonic already having products lined up, it’s hard to say what will keep people going to theaters.

I, however, take comfort in knowing that there are thousands of marketing geniuses working to solve this mystery in order to keep me paying a somewhat outrageous $13 of my hard-earned babysitting money for an action packed two hours, whichever dimension it may be in. Plus, the glasses look really good on me. That’s a definite bonus.