Cross Country:
The 2009–2010 Cross Country season was one of the best ever for the Bulldogs. Two boys, Chris Wozniak and Michael Cunetta, finished in the top 40 at state for the 5000 meters, while Anna Dailey represented for the Lady Bulldogs by securing the top position and bringing a state championship back to Garfield. The Boys’ team also finished 12th as a whole out of the entire state.

Football:
The past two years have been full of highs and abyssal lows for the Bulldogs’ football team. The perennial three win seasons, coaching changes, and team chemistry have all plagued the team’s efforts to make the most out of their talent-filled squad. But there have also been a number of great moments for the football team in the last two years. Maybe it was being undefeated in the city during the 09–10 season, beating Franklin, Roosevelt, and Ballard all in the same season. Or perhaps it was the second game of this season, when the team traveled to the east side to take on the Sammamish Totems with their first full squad of the year. Down one with seconds left on the clock, Coach Anthony Allen called up first year sophomore kicker Chauncey Neyman to kick the game winning field goal to begin the season off with a non-conference win. Any unfortunate events that befell the team following their win against Sammamish will go unmentioned.

Boys/Girls Golf:
The best moment in golf for both sexes is just going out there and enjoying being around your friends and teammates. Most of the other schools that the Bulldog golfers face also enjoy playing our school, partly because our golfers are a fine group of young athletes playing the game, but mostly because neither Bulldog golf team has won a game so far this season.

Boys Basketball:
Some would argue that the best moment in the past couple seasons would be when the Bulldogs beat the Roughriders by 28 early this season, or maybe when the Dogs beat the Roughriders by 21 later in the season. It seems to be hard to pick a moment that was better than any other when all the team does is excite and win. But most people believe that the Bulldogs’ best moment was at the 2010–2011 King Holiday Hoopfest when the team toppled the first-ranked 3A Rainier Beach Vikings, who at one point were ranked in the top 40 nation-wide, by a score of 63–58.

Boys Soccer:
The 2009–2010 boys’ soccer season was a big one for the Bulldogs, who finished the season with a remarkable 11–4-3 record. Led by Senior captains Reid Shaw and Chris Perkins, the Bulldogs made an amazing run to the KingCo 4A Championship game, in which they trampled Skyline four to one. They advanced to state and squared up against the overall number one seeded Stadium Tigers, who were at one point ranked in the top seven in the entire country. The Bulldogs would end up losing the game 1–0, but with improvement and young talent coming in, they have a chance to go far this year. Watch out for the boys soccer team 2010–2011, they’re filthy.

Boys/Girls Lacrosse:
Both teams are going to state. Both teams are filthy. Balls and Sticks will get you far, it’s been proven.

Baseball:
During the 2009–2010 baseball season, the boys on the diamond were having a so-so year leading up to one of their biggest games against one of the best teams in the state, Redmond. The Redmond Mustangs led KingCo with a conference record of 12–4, and had the best player in the state in Dylan Davis, who played for the US U-18 national team last year and committed to play baseball at Oregon State University this year. But unfazed, the Bulldogs beat the Mustangs by a final score of 11–8, proving that anything is possible when you wear purple and white. Anything.

Times go by and great moments occur, but the moral of everything is, when you have swag and you’re a true dog, things get accomplished.

Lead by 20 year old Tyler the Creator, Odd Future brings the f*cked-up attitude of your average teen, and then multiplies it by a thousand. In the midst of amazing word play, Odd Future frequently employs expletives along with imagery that will leave you scratching your head. For example in the song “Yonkers,” which is a solo effort from Tyler himself, the very first line is “I’m a [expletive] walking paradox, no I’m not. Three-some with a [expletive] triceratops.” Swag.

Other main figures in Odd Future are Hodgy Beats and Earl Sweatshirt. Hodgy Beats, along with his very mediocre partner Left Brain, leads one of the many Odd Future sub-groups Mellowhype, which brings more of a Wiz Khalifa, Kid Cudi type lyrical flow, rapping about partying and smoking weed. Earl attained his fame quickly at the age of 16 before he got sent to military school for his famous YouTube video entitled “Earl”. In the video, Odd Future members are seen hanging out with Earl until they decide to create and drink a concoction composed of illicit drugs and alcohol. The group ends up seizing and bleeding profusely from all cavities of their bodies and yes, even their nipples.

With any bunch of crazy belligerent teenagers, there will always be a cloud of controversy and a following of haters. Odd Future, and especially Tyler, isn’t afraid to touch on subjects that many people wouldn’t feel so comfortable with, like rape, anarchy, drugs and practically every possible racial slur. However, Odd Future fans are still in the vast majority, fiending on every controversial lyric.

The group’s huge pop-culture explosion began with their appearance on The Late Show with Jimmy Fallon when they performed the quintessential Odd Future song “Sandwiches.” Possibly the most epic performance on a late night television show ever, Hodgy Beats and Tyler the Creator came out on stage rocking skinny jean shorts, high socks, sweatshirts and ski masks with their signature upside-down cross printed on them. The initial appearance of the two rappers (not to mention the zombie girl standing behind them) brought a look of uncertainty to Jimmy Fallon’s face as the duo started to perform but by the end he was screaming along with the audience for more. Recommended by ?uestlove of the roots, Jimmy’s Late Show band, Odd Future sucked the souls from everyone in the studio audience and replaced them with swag. With lines like “[Expletive] had the [expletive]ing nerve to call me immature/ [expletive] you think I made Odd Future for?/ To wear [expletive]ing suits and make good decisions?/ [expletive] that [expletive], Wolf Gang,” the group had finally gotten the national publicity that they needed to take over the world one step at a time.

The group isn’t all about raping girls, playing with fire (literally and figuratively), and offending whoever they can. They also have a lighter side that can be seen in their interviews and freestyles all over the web. Videos worth watching are “freestyle at the key club” where about five or six of them just make fun of people that can’t freestyle, by freestyling horribly and reacting like it was the greatest thing since Moses split the sea and “Narduwar vs. Odd Future”, which has to be the single funniest interview I have ever seen a rap group be a part of.

There are rumors that the group has been trying to work out a deal with Adult Swim to put out a T.V. show that is supposed to be “…a mixture of Jackass and The Chappelle’s Show.”

Swag.

Many want to argue that Newton doesn’t have the intangibles, intelligence, accuracy, leadership or decision making that it takes to make the jump to league. I will disrespectfully disagree with those people. If one finds themselves believing that, they really couldn’t be more wrong. Let me state fact that Cameron Jerrell Newton led NCAA division 1 football in yards per completion his senior season as an Auburn Tiger, with an average of 10.1 yards per completion making him the most efficient passer in the nation. He also was second in the world in passer rating with a 182. Need I say more?

I will.

Many think that Newton will be a bust because he is similar  to his SEC draft bust counterpart, Jamarcus Russell, who was drafted first in the 2007 NFL selection. But unlike Russell, Newton is in shape, mentally stable, and completely capable of jumping straight into the league. We know he is not Michael Vick. No one is. He still runs with the speed and tenacity of a hog. Unlike Vick, Cam Newton is a 6’6 250 pound beast, and there is no way any little cornerback is going to stop him.

The fact that Newton was a part of the scandal has nothing to do with anything. Does it affect his draft status? No. Will it affect his performance in the NFL? No. Does Carl present an invalid argument, bringing up completely irrelevant topics? Yes, yes he does.

The physicality of the NFL game is unquestionable. The man-child of Cam Newton is ready for what the league has to offer. Sure the hits will be harder and the defenses will be bigger, but the offensive line will also be bigger, stronger, and better in general. I don’t think the huge mammoth in Cam Newton has to worry about the physicality of the game.

Newton has to be the most prolific, game changing player in college football. Everybody knows he can produce on the ground as well as in the air, but many doubt that can translate into a professional prospect. What people don’t understand is that Cam isn’t a selfish player and his leadership qualities are often exhibited as he does whatever it takes to get the victory for his team, putting the team on his back per se. For madden.

In the SEC championship, Newton demonstrated the actions of a pro-style quarterback, putting the team before him, airing out 335 yards from 17 for 28 from the pocket with 4 touchdowns. He also ran for 73 yards and 2 touchdowns, contributing to every single point that was put on the board as the Auburn tigers would cruise to victory against the South Carolina Gamecocks for the second time this season.

With Roethlisberger size and Vince Young speed, Newton certainly has all the tools he needs to get the job done by himself. All he needs in is some time to get familiar with things, and with the lockout now in place he has more than enough.

Draft analyst Mel Kiper Jr. of ESPN says Cam Newton is in his top four picks for the draft and second ranked quarterback. This will land Cam with the Cincinnati Bengals and the wide receiver core of Ochocinco, Andre Caldwell, and Jordan Shipley, depending on contract talks and the lockout. If all goes well for Cam and the NFL gets its stuff together, Cam Newton could have a potential rookie of the year contending season.

With a physique, mindset and playing style like Cam’s, it’s just plain difficult to go wrong. He seems more than ready to take on the challenge of being a professional football player in the National Football League. Above all, he is motivated to prove to all the haters and speculators, that he is qualified for the hype he has and will continue to receive until his debut as a starting NFL quarterback.

“The thing I love about high school girls is that I keep getting older but they just stay the same age,” says the notoriously popular Jackson. He is often found quoting Kanye and setting girls free of their love lockdown, or reciting R. Kelly and letting the ladies know that there aint nothin’ wrong with a little bump and grind (emphasis on the little). Adam is truly the bossiest skinny jean wearing playa out there, hands down.

When asked what his position on the recent healthcare reform is, Adam simply states “Position? I have a lot of favorite positions.” That alone gives you a multitude of reasons to just love this guy’s charisma. This playa has an impressive line of statistics as well. He averages about 3 s.b (stolen [girls]) 4 p.p.g. (peaks per girl) 3 o.n.s (one night stands) and about 5 o.b.g.y.n visits for his partner after every get together. He is most proud about the one night stands “because I just stand around the entire night one night and see how many girls I can get. I’m really good at it.”

“Definitely swallow, there’s no doubt. Is there really any other option?” Adam Jackson says that his favorite type of bird  is unquestionably the swallow because he believes that it is undeniably the flyest of the avian species, and he one day aspires to be as fly as the birds themselves.

A man’s first time is a great moment in his life. Adam remembers his vividly as being one of the most “so-so” experiences he’s ever been a part of. What Adam did is known in the sports world as hitting for the cycle (single, double, triple and a homerun). “It wasn’t as cool as I thought it’d be. I mean, I could definitely do bases one through three myself,” says Jackson, recollecting on his experience.

But Adam is also a sensitive guy, a smooth operator per se. He loves to lay a girl down and just serenade her softly with sweet tender words flowing off of his tongue. Adam is one of those guys that let his words matter, and his actions matter more.

“Always on top,” Adam says. Asserting dominance is key when being a playa, gotta put all the [sn]itches in their place and keep all the [f]oes in check.

If one thinks that they are a playa, they need to sit down and take some lessons from Adam Jackson. He has lots to say about dating, fellating and masturbating, which could be extremely helpful if one’s “playa game” is a little lacking. Plus when talking to him in the presence of girls, one can always try and pick up some of his sloppy seconds.

When we turn on the television to check the score of the big game last night, amongst the highlights, we almost always hear about what’s on the mind of a famous athlete via twitter. Whether it be a recap of a previous game “Pro Bowl was fun” (@elimanning) or a random piece of  everday knowledge, completely unrelated to the sports world, “Enjoying an evening on the couch! But feeling hungry all the time! Not sure if I’m actually hungry or if I just need something in my mouth! Lol” (@carowozniacki), Twitter is slowly taking over sports one tweet at a time.

The realm of Twitter in the world of athletic competition nowadays is known usually for getting people fined, calling out the quarterback etc. For instance, Green Bay Packers inside linebacker Clay Matthews (@ClayMatthews52) called out Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez by stating “@Mark_Sanchez: My name is Mark. I am a robot. I have a robot [female reproductive organ].” Also, with an “offensive” enough tweet, fines are in order. Chad Ochocinco got fined $25,000 in this year’s preseason for tweeting “@OGOchoCinco: Man I’m sick of getting hit like that, it’s the damn preseason [shoot].”

Along with being a medium of bashing, boasting and constant reposting, Twitter is basically just a popularity contest, and when you are a professional athlete you are high on the hierarchy of social networking. The reason athletes have so many followers on Twitter is because the general population thinks that there is a great divide between athlete and mortal, and is constantly keen on the inside look into the life of a superstar no matter how outlandish it may seem.

The world of tweets can also take away from the beauty of sports. In 2009, Shaquille O’Neal found out he was traded from the Phoenix Suns to the Cleveland Cavaliers through Twitter before his agent announced it to him. For many die hard sports fans, it’s a rush to hear the ESPN analysts say that there is huge breaking news of a trade or major transaction. When that big aspect of sports is lost because of a simple social networking site, many fans start to lose appreciation for sports.

Social networking has changed the way people watch sports in general. Instead of staying at home watching the game, many people get twitter updates straight to their phone with the score etc. Although this is fine, it takes away from the pure pleasure of seeing things with your own two eyes as it happens. And with Twitter giving sports updates, it’s causing some shows like Sports Center to become entirely obsolete.

The athletes will be there whether or not they are able to tweet about it. The only thing that matters is how they perform on their respective fields. It is needless to say Twitter is interesting and brings a certain spice to the world of sports, but it should not be a dominating aspect. Dear athletes, beware: tweet at your own risk.

Nowadays, most students don’t think much of Garfield playing the Quakers. It’s because a game between the two hasn’t been scheduled in two years, and the Roosevelt Roughriders are trying to take over as our cross-town rivals. But it wasn’t always like that. The last time the two teams clashed was in 2009 at the MLK Holiday Classic at Hec Edmunson Pavilion. Peyton Siva and Tony Wroten starred in the event that packed the arena the UW basketball teams call home.

“These last couple years they’ve [Franklin] been scared and don’t want to play us,” Garfield basketball senior captain Tony Wroten said about the decline of the rivalry.

Many believe that Franklin may in fact be too proud to schedule a game with the Bulldogs, because they’re afraid of the embarrassment that comes with losing a rivalry game. It seems as if Garfield is doing better than their crosstown rivals, at least as evidenced by the recent results of both teams’ seasons. But some think the rivalry is too important to fade into obscurity

“Franklin wants it [the rivalry] to die. But it’s bigger than just the coaching staff. It’s never going to be able to die down,” Wroten added.

The rivalry has been known to everyone in the city for a very long time. “To me the Garfield/Franklin rivalry is ridiculously important to the town’s heritage and ongoing sense of self,” said Seattle Post-Intelligencer writer Reed Wacker.

The evidence of the dying rivalry is that younger kids, even the ones that attend the schools themselves, are completely oblivious to it. When I asked freshman Griffin Stoddard what the rivalry meant to him he simply responded “not [anything].”

To everyone without the 2009 ties, Roosevelt is the biggest rival to the Bulldogs. The new rivalry is constantly bringing in the biggest crowds for basketball, soccer and even—much to everybody’s surprise—football games. When I asked Wroten about the rivalry takeover he said “As much as I want to say no, I might have to [say they’re our biggest rivals right now]. It’ll never take the place of Franklin; there is just too much history. But right now Roosevelt is probably our biggest rival… Although Roosevelt is a great rivalry, it’s not nearly up to [the level of] Franklin.”

The main reason Roosevelt is taking over our rivalry is the vast number of A.P.P. students at both schools. Most of the students know each other, and when you know who you’re playing against, it intensifies the rivalry. It all started in middle school. Washington used to be the biggest inner city school, and most people who graduated either went to Garfield or Franklin. But with the split of the APP program, there is less of a connection between the two schools. Roosevelt has developed into the school most similar to Garfield, and the rising tensions in sporting events between them reflects that.

The rivalry still has a chance for resurrection. The ex-Franklin basketball star Anrio “Rio” Adams recently enrolled at Garfield. If Coach Kerr begins to believe in his team, he will try to convince the population that they can win without Adams. “I do [think the rivalry can be reborn]. Coach Kerr could come back to his senses,” says Wroten. “They couldn’t beat us this year and that’s why they didn’t want to play us.” With enough hype and distress around the dying rivalry situation, it is possible it could come back, just to please so many people that want to see it again.

Wroten certainly seemed to thing Adams would be a good addition to the team. “He’s a great player,” says Wroten. “He might be playing this year so be on the look out.” Certainly a team with Tony and Rio would be great to watch, so everyone can keep their fingers crossed as Adams goes through the transfer student athletic appeals process.

As for the possibility of Rio’s transfer reviving the tensions between Franklin and Garfield, that remains to be seen. There’s plenty of blame going around about why the rivalry has died, but in the end, it doesn’t matter whose fault it is. The fact is, if the spirit of the rivalry still remains in the future, it will be revived. And if not, we can still manage to have some fun beating Roosevelt every time we get the chance.

Along with being the first sub .500 team in the history of the NFL postseason, they also became the first team with a losing regular season record to beat the defending champions. The Seahawks knocked off the previous Super Bowl Champion New Orleans Saints in a wildcard match up on Saturday the 8^th, beating them 41–36. A lot happened in that game; a run by Marshawn Lynch that will go down as one of the greatest single plays in playoff history, a defending Super Bowl champion falling victim to a team that was an eleven point underdog, and an eruption of noise in the stands during Lynch’s run so loud that it literally registered as an earthquake on nearby siesmic activity monitors.

After pulling off the victory, Seattle is scheduled to play the Chicago Bears on Sunday, January 16^th for a spot in the NFC Championship, our first trip there since Super Bowl XL. Many have high hopes for the Seahawks because earlier this year they went to Chicago’s Soldier Field and beat the Bears 23–20 in one of their closest wins of the year.

But back before the game against the Rams, things were looking very different for the Hawks. In a Seattle Times poll the day before the game, over half of respondents said they’d rather the Seahawks lose and not make it to the playoffs. This had nothing to do with the unpopularity of the team, but rather hopes for the future. If the Seahawks had lost to the Rams, our draft pick would have been a lot higher, and instead of having to pick 21st or later in the draft (depending on our success in the playoffs) we would have probably been looking at a top ten pick. We could have gotten someone like cornerback Prince Amukamara out of Nebraska, who would have greatly improved our lackluster secondary (27^th in the league). Or we could have picked up a guy like Jake Locker, a hometown hero turned potential Heisman candidate that has all the tools to become a great quarterback in the league, who just so happened to play on one of the most mediocre offenses in the nation.

But even considering out playoff success, chances are high that we could land the National Championship and Heisman trophy winning quarterback, Cam Newton, who carried his Auburn Tiger team to victory against the Oregon Ducks. The Seahawks could use a guy like Newton because, let’s face it, Matt Hasselbeck isn’t getting any younger. With a new coaching staff, rebuilding is in order, making a quarterback like Cam Newton a very valuable selection.

All said and done, the Seahawks making the playoffs is great. It gives the city a much needed morale boost, and gives the team some publicity in free agency (more success draws better players to the program). The rest of the playoffs and the NFL Draft this spring could be pivotal points in the long run of the Seattle franchise. We have also learned that the regular season record does not always reflect a teams capabilities, exemplifying the saying, “It’s why you play the game.”

As just a sophomore playing his second year at defensive end and tight end for the Bulldogs football team, Daeshon racked up 32 tackles and 5 sacks, which tied for a team high with Mathis Watson. He also posted a team high 10.5 tackles and 2 sacks against the Woodinville Eagles, as well as 13 receptions for 145 yards and 2 touchdowns. Both are great steps up from his 23.5 tackles last year and 53 yards receiving.

“I like the physical aspect of football…” said Hall, adding, “I like the thrill of sacking the quarterback and then having the whole crowd get hyped.” Did I mention he is just a sophomore? There is much promise in Daeshon for future football seasons, in which he could bring some success to the future Garfield football teams.

Not only is he a football phenom, but Daeshon, like many other students at our beloved Garfield High, is a two-sport athlete. He excels on the court as well as the gridiron, similiar to his comrades Pierre Wright and Desjuan Newton, to name a few.

As a freshman Daeshon averaged around 7 points per game with a season high 14 points against Mount Tahoma in a 70–52 win, but hopes to improve his stats this year. He has said that his dominant post game has gotten even that much better along with his defense, which is good because we need someone who can compete with the bigger athletes in the paint. “Now that I can dunk I like dunking on people. Also the student section gives us a good atmosphere to play in” says Hall about this upcoming season.

Everyone expects our boys basketball team to make a good run in state and gain national recognition this year, with the return of Tony Wroten and the great supporting cast that led the team to their successful season last year. Many think that the team can go undefeated all the way through to the finals in Tacoma. “…I think that our boys team could contend for a state championship because we definitely have all the talent and we just have to put those pieces together and that’s what we’re doing”. If all the pieces can fit together like Daeshon is telling us, I, along with most of the student body can expect a spectacular season for the bulldogs.

Daeshon has high hopes for both the football teams and basketball teams of the future along with the team from this year. He says that the talent the teams have and the future talent they will acquire is immense and he believes they can compete on the post season level for the rest of his high school career.

Needless to say, Dae Dae is a key part of both our football and basketball programs. He’s also, according to his teachers, a pleasure to have in class. He is the poster boy for student athlete and shall continue to be so for two more years. Hopefully  he can help lead our programs to bigger and better things in the future.

America’s pastime is truly a thing of the past and is steadily declining for a number of reasons. There is nothing groundbreaking about baseball anymore. There is no Moses Fleetwood Walker (they created the major league color barrier for him before Jackie Robinson broke it in the 1940’s), no one cares about the homerun record anymore, and the World Series, the most intense competition in baseball, hasn’t actually been intense in about a decade; the last seven-game series was in 2002 when the Angels beat the Giants.

And baseball is also falling off because so many other sports are on the rise. For example MMA (mixed martial arts), which has been called the fastest growing sport in America, seemingly shot up out of nowhere but has since set records for TV ratings for martial arts (including boxing). Also, as more and more kids in America begin to play soccer, fewer kids are playing baseball. There are competitive youth teams all over as club teams start to form and professional teams start to have youth academies.

But the main reason that baseball is on the decline is simply because it is such a slow sport. The length of the average game is about 2 hours and 45 minutes, whereas a basketball game, that can be played in about an hour and 45 minutes, produces about 25 times higher of a score and is a much faster paced game. Even with soccer, a seemingly slow game, there is still constant motion and movement of the ball, whereas baseball consists mostly of standing around and waiting.

Americas have shown their displeasure in baseball as TV ratings have gone down tremendously over the past 50 years. In the last game of the 2010 World Series, only 14.9 million people watched, compared to the last game in the 2001 World Series where 39.1 million people observed the Diamondbacks beat the Yankees. The average attendance for the ten best ball parks in the nation was 38,906.1 in 2001, compared to 40,671.8 in 2010, but this incorporates new stadiums with increased capacities. Subtracting the new stadiums, the attendance was around 35,000.

To make things worse, the recent scandals of the steroid era have put a dark cloud over the sport. It has cheapened appreciation for the skill of the athletes, and the old time players say it is an embarrassment to the game.

When people succeed using steroids, it’s like they’re tainting the game. For example, when Barry Bonds hit his 762nd homerun, securing his record against Hank Aaron, it was a bittersweet moment for baseball. Sure he got the record and his name is in the books, but there will almost certainly be an asterisk beside it. When the heads of baseball themselves have to take away some of the credit given to the holder of baseball’s most exciting record, something is going seriously wrong.

Steroids could also potentially turn baseball into the most excitingly dangerous sport in America. Pitchers could throw in the 100 mph range, outfielders could all run 100 meters in under 11 seconds, and the power hitters could consistently hit the ball 500 feet. But using performance enhancers to amp up a dying sport would just make things more pathetic. Baseball needs to at least stay dignified, and the majority of the baseball world seems to agree that embracing steroids is not the way to go.

So there are only two inevitable conclusions; America’s pastime is slowly but surely on the decline to the point that it will eventually vanish, and anybody who is playing baseball now should just stop because they are wasting their time.

Seed #1: Joe Markman

If you know anything about the Markman legacy, you know that they are some hairy, manly men, shot full of testosterone. The sole fact that Joe’s name has the word ‘Man’ in it, could alone win him the No Shave November prize. But after his emergence out of nowhere in last year’s competition, this fine young specimen has more going for him than just his name. “The hair on the face separates the men from the boys,” says Markman, adding “if you think this is a lot, you should see my [butt].” All jokes aside though, the Mark Man is on wolverine status, and the only thing pumping through the veins of this mammoth is hair.

Seed #2: Ben Sabath

“He’s been growing facial hair since the sixth grade,” junior Carl Barnes says about the competitor. Truth be told, the man has a lot of hair, and that is quite the understatement. Just in his junior year, Sabath often finds his five o’ clock shadow arriving early (around noon). Despite his relative youth and inexperience in this competition, Sabath is not one to be taken lightly. He is a powerful foe, and could very well knock off some of his older counterparts. Shakespeare once said that “He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man.” In this case, Sabath hath plenty of beardedness to distinguish him from other youths.

Seed #3: Andy Boelter

In his second No Shave November article, Andy has experience with the game. He has been seen training his face by doing vigorous chin and cheek workouts to accelerate the growth of hair. A formidable contender, precious little separates Boelter from the top two seeds, and there will be no surprises if he wins it all. And to add to his manliness, Boelter implied that he was going to “Wack off” his beard come December 1st.

Seed #4: Willem de Koch

When talking about men amongst boys, the big Koch should not be left out of the conversation. As one of the favorites to win No Shave November, Willem has a huge advantage simply because he grows a lot of hair and he’s been doing it for a long time. I asked Willem’s brother Bergen what he thought about beards. “Beards are cool, man,” he responded. It goes without saying that beards are loved in la familia de Koch, and truly the biggest lover of the game shall win the competition. That and the one who can grow the biggest beard, and Willem may just be the guy.

Seed #5: Chauncey Neyman

Behind his silly personality and questionable taste in attire, Chauncey Neyman is truly a man. Finding his first armpit hair in second grade, it goes without saying that this kid can grow some hair. As just a sophomore, Neyman has shown many that his beard growing abilities are on point for someone twice his age. When asked about his beard he said, “I would consider my facial hair my second most manly feature.” He proceeded to say that at the top of the list were “…my legs, but I shave those.” Manly indeed. Chauncey was given the 5th seed because of his inexperience with growing a Santa, but don’t be surprised if  he pulls off the upset of the contest, and finishes November with an astonishing amount of hair on his face.

Seed #6: Seth Palmer

This intelligent, articulate young man is very gifted in the field of beard growing. The second of two junior class competitors, Palmer finds himself a little bit in Sabath’s shadow. But expect great things out of Seth. If he can’t woo the ladies  with his striking personality and witty remarks, he does it with his facial hair. Seth is one of the competitors I will be anxious to see at the end of it all, but for now he’s going chin first into the game with a swagger that could only come from a junior.

Seed #7: Sam Perkins

As the second weakest seed there isn’t much to expect from Perkins. He’s not overly big, he doesn’t have a history of growing hair, and he isn’t old. Sam Perkins is our most ordinary competitor, and probably won’t do very well. But he did bless us with his own personal anecdote: “Ever since I was in sixth grade I dreamed of the day I could develop hair on my face. In fact I began to shave my bare skin, hoping the peach fuzz would grow back thicker and stronger. This year I am bringing my all and coming back with spirit and spunk to win beard of the month!” But he’ll most likely grow an ugly blonde beard that from afar just looks like dirt on his face. Maybe next year, Lil’ Smooth.

Seed #8: Patrick Greeley

As the only freshman in the group, Patrick automatically gets the last seed. I don’t know if anyone can grow facial hair in the class of 2014, but if there is one that can do it, Greeley is the man. This kid is big, and if his hair follicles can grow like he does, we might have the biggest upset in the competition. When asked why he is taking part in No Shave November, he told me, “The ladies like a man with hair.” While this may be true, Patrick might be out of luck with the females because last time I checked, his face was as bare as the first four letters in beard. But hey, who doesn’t like a little peach fuzz and an awkward mexi-stash to walk around with?

The competition this year is intense to say the least. An old Danish proverb goes, ‘if the beard were all, goats could teach.’ So let us not forget that it is not only the beard that makes the man, but the man that makes the beard.