That’s right, Donald Glover is a rapper now. And he’s damn good. Even though Glover states that he raps mostly as a hobby, it’s abundantly clear that he could easily compete with any of the big names in hip-hop right now. While I find that Gambino’s voice takes a little getting used to, his flow sounds like Lil Wayne’s, and his lyrics are consistently, incredibly clever.

Glover’s first album, entitled Sick Boi, debuted in June of 2008 and he has released six since, each one showing constant improvement in flow and lyrical masterminding.

Listening to Childish Gambino is like looking into an M.C. Escher painting; layers of meaning unraveling themselves after the third or fourth listen, offering a glimpse into Gambino’s genius. If you could look at Glover’s mind, it would probably look like a steel beartrap dripping in acid and molten gold. Watch his video for the song “Freaks And Geeks” for a first taste and I guarantee you’ll have the lyrics up on another site within minutes because it’s impossible to catch every reference otherwise.

And here’s the kicker: Glover offers his music completely free. A quick search of “childish gambino” on any search engine will come up with his official site, which has links to downloads of all his albums to date.

Glover is in the unique position of having achieved success and fame before turning to rapping, rather than the other way around. And as a result, Gambino isn’t concerned with rapping the way he thinks will earn him the most money or fame: Donald Glover has a plethora of both. Rather, he makes his own beats, raps the way he likes, and could give a damn about whether other people like it too. Which actually leads to a style so original that it has gained him popularity: Gambino is a breath of fresh air compared to the rappers that have dominated the industry for years now.

I doubt that Childish Gambino will ever achieve the idespread popularity of rappers like Wayne or Jay-Z. But that’s probably just because Donald Glover doesn’t have the need or the motivation to sell out.

Luckily this means he’ll keep making great music and distributing it for free, and the privileged few who know about him will be able to appreciate the work of a master.

And I don’t blame them.

I’ve never enjoyed country music immensely. Part of it, I’m sure, is personal taste, but a lot of it is also the environment I’ve been raised in. I’ve never driven a truck, or worked the fields, and I can count the number of times I’ve ridden a horse on one hand. Because it is hard for Seattlites to relate to the subject matter of country music, I’ve been exposed to very few country artists in my lifetime. Oh sure, I’ve been known to get down to a little Johnny Cash in my day, a little Willie Nelson, a little Neil Diamond, and DAMN I love the “O Brother Where Art Thou” soundtrack, but mainstream, modern country music is a musical region I generally stay away from.

That’s why it was pure chance that I happened to be flipping channels at the time the CMA’s came on. For the uninformed, CMA stands for the Country Music Awards, an annual recognition of the best country artists of the year. As the awards progressed, I noticed something about a disproportionate number of the performers: they were blonde. What else? They were women. What else? All their music sounded the same. What else? It sounded like sh*t.

Come on, Academy of Country Music! Is this the face of country music today? A teen girl singing about unrequited love? Because that’s what 80% of the songs were. Taylor Swift won Entertainer of the Year (surpirse…). Best Vocalist of the Year? Miranda Lambert. Both young women, blonde, writing songs about being in high school and chasing boys.

But lets talk through this cliche. The stereotype is the subject matter: songs about rural American values and life in small towns that have that certain twang which immediately characterizes them as country music. As farming becomes more commercial and requires less human involvement, more and more youth are moving away from family farms and small towns and into the city. Are the most popular country artists simply pandering to that ever-growing population of Americans who have moved away from the small towns but still maintain the ideologies and musical tastes of the rural US?

Or maybe musicians like Taylor Swift have just blended country roots with the pop genre so seamlessly that their music is attracting both the traditional country crowd and the teenage “bubblegum” girl in equal measure.

So is T-swift’s music even country? Clearly some think so, since she just won the CMA’s, but it could be argued that an artist’s genre is defined by their audience. After all, there are countless musical artists and groups who could be classified as country if not for their audience. Bob Dylan has similar instrumentation and the same Southern twang in his music but his subject matter and audience put him firmly in the “folk” category. The Rolling Stones produced songs like “Honky-Tonk Woman” and “Dead Flowers” which clearly had country influence, but few would classify the Stones as anything other than rock and roll. Even Ray Charles took a brief stint in country music by producing his album Modern Sounds in Country and Western Music, but Ray Charles was firmly entrenched in the soul genre.

All this supports the supposition that Taylor Swift’s music is neither country nor pop, but rather a weird abomination of the two blended together which is seemingly the new sound of country music.

Maybe it’s personal bias, but the direction country music is taking seems ugly and depressing. I can’t hear a single similarity between today’s Lamberts and Swifts and yesterday’s Cashes and Nelsons. That’s all I have to say. You can smack the lunch tray out of my hands now.

Possibility of Government Shutdown Looms
Perhaps you’ve heard that the Obama administration is debating the possibility of a government shutdown within the next few weeks as a result of conflict between Obama and the mostly Republican-controlled Congress. The last time this happened was in 1995 and 1996 under President Clinton, so it’s natural if you have no freaking idea what would actually happen during a government shutdown. Essentially, the government ceases all but “essential” services like the military, police, utilities, postal service, and fire-fighting. Programs which could be affected as a result of the shutdown include the National Parks, the National Institutes of Health, and the Federal Housing Administration. Anarchy will not reign supreme, so just calm down. And if you see Obama on the street, give him a nice smile and a friendly wave; he’s going through a lot right now.

Hundreds of Sophomores Realize it Sucks to Be Sophomores
Last Tuesday, most of Garfield’s sophomores and a few unfortunate Juniors gathered in our hallowed halls to take a three hour test. HSPE testing (Highly-Standardized Penetration Exercise) is designed to test students’ proficiency in reading, writing, science, and writing garbage at a desk for three hours. How did upperclassmen spend their late start days? Yours truly woke up late, threw on a velvet bathrobe and waltzed downstairs, stopping only for a quick bubble bath and scented-candle sesh before cooking a healthy and delicious breakfast of artisan bacon, fresh fruit, and golden-brown eggs. Suck it, sophomores.

Garfield Smangs on Another Music Festival
This past weekend, Garfield’s A and B Jazz bands attended the Reno Jazz Festival at the University of Nevada, Reno. A-band brought honor to us all with a first place and nine “Outstanding Musicianship Awards”. While B-band came in at fourth place, Garfield B-band musicians were still able to 5 “Outstanding Musicianship Awards”. But really it’s not the awards that matter: simply being able to play incredible jazz music and spend a weekend in the rolling green hills and rich culture that define Reno, Nevada, was enough.

So states acclaimed actress and comedian, Jen Kirkman, after consuming two bottles of red wine and being prompted to explain how the friendship of Frederick Douglass and President Lincoln helped abolish slavery in the United States the 1800s. As she does this, her slurred story is acted out and lip-synced by Will Ferrell as Lincoln, Zooey Deschanel as Mary Todd Lincoln, and Don Cheadle as Douglass. This all takes place on camera, as part of HBO’s show Drunk History and it is funny as hell.

If you haven’t seen Drunk History, just put down the paper and go watch it; otherwise I’ll have to say “you had to be there”, and you won’t appreciate the comedic gold of this show. And truthfully, you had to be there. Drunk History features a premise completely unique to television today, and it takes a personal encounter to truly grasp the genius of it.

Drunk History was created by Derek Waters, and originally featured on Will Ferrell’s comedy website, “Funny or Die”. HBO purchased shares in “Funny or Die” and in February 2010 launched a series of sketches as part of a new show, Funny or Die Presents. The new program featured one sketch which involved a heavily inebriated person trying to describe a famous historical event on camera, while their words are acted out by famous actors.

What makes Drunk History unique is its incredibly star-studded cast. Michael Cera, Jack Black, Paul Schneider, and John C. Reilly have all made appearances in the educational laugh riots.

It is a testament to the humor of the show that these big names in comedy do the sketches without any kind of salary. Drunk History is an entirely volunteer effort which increases the quality of the show because everyone involved has chosen to be there.

“Most people don’t take drunk people seriously unless they, too, are drunk.” stated Derek Waters in a recent blog interview with Jesse Thorn. “So I thought it would be great for them to talk about stuff that actually does matter, and on a subject we all know. And if we don’t know it, we might remember some of it from school.” The juxtaposition of world-shaking historical events and swaying, (occasionally) vomiting narrators is the central humor behind the sketches.

That’s enough reading. Abandon this fine piece of newsprint and get some screentime as you investigate the funniest piece of jerry-rigged genius around today.

Consumers Skeptical of KFC Promotion
KFC eaters across the country got a shock last Sunday when KFC unveiled its new “$10 Sunday Deal” at a KFC restaurant in Eatonville, Washington. The deal supposedly offers a 10-piece bucket of chicken for $10 on Sundays, prepared in any of KFC’s myriad styles. Instead of the enthusiasm KFC Manager Dean Ownes expected, the announcement was met instead with skepticism.

“Yeah, we put this new item on the menu, and we expected people to go crazy over it, but everyone was just kinda like ‘huh’?” says Ownes. KFC enthusiast Keith “K-man” Defranco described his experience with the new promotion.

“It just seems too good to be true, you know? I mean, I could understand $10 for 10 pieces of original, but any recipe? Really? You’re telling me I could get 10 pieces of extra-crispy for $10? It just seems hard to believe,” says Defranco. When I told Ownes what the K-man’s response had been, he just nodded.

“People are kind of afraid of change, you know? We’ll just have to see how it goes.”

Portal to Azx’gyoth Opens on Garfield Campus
Spangenberg’s 4th period block day began like any other. However, during a simple demonstration of wave dynamics, students were perplexed to hear the distant noise of cawing ravens and screaming infants. As Mr. Spangenberg tried to ignore the ever-increasing cacophony, bolts of blue energy began to crackle from student to student in an almost hungry fashion. Just as someone was about to remark on the strange phenomena, you guessed it: a dark portal to Azx’gyoth, the third circle of hell and domain of Azazel, Lucifer’s lieutenant, opened in the classroom. Even as the demented portal twisted open, offering a brief glimpse into the unending horrors and torment of Azazel’s scarlet kingdom, the screaming of damned souls ceased and the portal disappeared. While most students were unwilling to discuss the event, Spang remarked that it was “really creepy.” Investigations continue into the cause of the event and whether wave dynamics should continue to be taught in high-school classrooms.

Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black, Miley Cyrus: they party with friends every night, they never worry, and as far as we know, they live what some may consider the ideal teen life. But what do we really know about these teen idols that isn’t fed to us through Youtube interviews and music videos?

I first asked myself this question after the pop music world was shocked by teen star Rebecca Black’s recent debacle at a concert and Q&A session in her hometown of Anaheim Hills, California.

As many now know, Black had just appeared at a highly attended concert to perform her hit single “Friday,” which has attained massive popularity through various social media outlets of late, garnering over 40,000,000 views on Youtube and reaching the 16th most downloaded song on iTunes. After said concert, Black’s agent had scheduled a Q&A session so that Rebecca’s most die-hard fans could ask her a few questions.

However, throughout the session, something seemed wrong; Black looked tired and uncomfortable, fidgeting and scratching herself while questions were asked of her. About halfway through the session, audience-goers began gasping with shock as Black’s face began noticeably drooping, her skin and hair out of alignment with the rest of her features.

At about 9:12 PM, Black kicked back her chair and, in what many attendees described as “a horrific transformation” and “terrible to look at,” peeled an outer layer of cleverly disguised latex off of her face, revealing her true form: a gaunt, unshaven, 52-year old man. The faux-Rebecca Black, now correctly identified as Angus Lester of Nashwank, Minnesota, declared that the “jig was up,” that he was “tired of the damn charade” and would be “skippin’ town with the cash,” warning others not to try to follow him as he boarded an unregistered flight at a local airfield.

Rebecca Black/Angus Lester’s deception only highlights how little we know about our teen idols. The schoolchildren Black/Lester mingled with in the weeks prior to her/his rise to fame admitted after the incident that they “didn’t actually know Rebecca until she just started going to school with [them],” and that they “just assumed she was some weird girl from out-of-town.” The millions of people who saw Black/Lester’s video on Youtube never would have suspected that the young, beautiful (..?) singer they were watching had once run a meth lab out of an abandoned ice cream truck for twenty years.

Rebecca/Angus is hardly the only teen star who has had their true personality revealed. Just weeks after footage spread all over the internet of Miley Cyrus taking bong rips with friends, hit singer Justin Bieber was taken into custody for defecating in the koi pond of a critic who left a comment on his Youtube video describing him as “totally lame.” Josh Canova, Bieber’s self-proclaimed “number two fan because his mom is his number 1” told TMZ, “I loved Justin for being different than all those dangerous rappers with guns but now, I just don’t know how to feel.”

Such is the danger of dedicating yourself to a teen pop star you know nothing about. Underneath the façade there may be a whole unseen world of sex, drugs, and violence. One minute you’re listening to Bieber sing Baby for the 40th time, and the next you’re listening to a recording of him muttering profanities as he drops a deuce in someone’s fish tank. These days, you never can tell.

These probably weren’t the first thoughts in George Lucas’s mind that eventually spawned the multi-billion dollar industry that Star Wars has become today. But much of the lasting appeal of Star Wars comes from the pure, basic coolness of magical space-knights, along with the groundbreaking special effects which Lucasfilms has lavished on the series. The effects crew that worked on the original Star Wars films eventually became the visual effects company Industrial Light and Magic which would go on to create the effects for Indiana Jones, Planet of the Apes, Men in Black, Titanic, Avatar, Iron Man, and countless other big-name films. Star Wars is as pleasing to the eye as it is to the inner 12-year-old.

Of course, episodes IV, V, and VI were created decades ago, so the effects that Lucasfilms pioneered in the 70’s using incrediby detailed models and revolutionary motion-capture technology, no longer have the wow-factor that the newer movies do. Instead, the first three movies rely on nostalgia to draw viewers back to the series. We love Yoda’s adorably horrible (adhorrible?) puppet-movement, the stop-motion Taun-tauns, the classic roguish twinkle in Harrison Ford’s eye, and we really love Princess Leia in a metal bikini.

But these attractive aspects of the franchise pale in comparison to the real reason for the Star Wars series’ success: an unprecedentedly immersive and unique universe. And by universe, I don’t mean a physically different cosmic space than our own: after all, we know the myriad worlds and events of the series take place in the same time-space continuum as our own, just a long time ago and in a galaxy far, far away. No, I mean the vast vault of fiction that has been created from George Lucas’ original vision.

One could literally spend years watching and reading through the novels, films, and comic books that have stemmed from the Star Wars franchise. To be more specific, every character, species, planet, and event in the Star Wars movies we know and love has enough content on it to fill a 100 page novel, and every one of these occupants of the Star Wars universe branches off into three more which could each fill a 100 page novel of their own, and so on (recomended reading: www.wookiepedia.com). And for the vast majority of viewers this is the only reason that Star Wars hold the appeal it does.

I can hear the inward screams of outrage. What about plot? What about character development? What about the  bizarre, senseless, and akward love interest between Padme and Anakin? After watching all six Star Wars movies consecutively, I can say with confidence that the series contains only one of the above, in abundance. Every Star Wars movie follows the same story arc, managing to simultaneously deliver dialogue with all the deftness and wit of a trash compactor while making blind and ineffectual swipes at real, relatable characters. As well as George Lucas’ phenomenal job in the prequels of botching basic story conventions like having a protagonist, or creating tension in a scene.

Perhaps there are still some people who believe the original episodes IV, V, and VI are an exception to this paradigm. And they are, to an extent. The original movies feature significantly more elements of good storytelling that we can actually emotionally relate to. However, in many ways they fall well short of the quality movie mark. There’s a reason why Mark Hamill’s most significant role after Star Wars was as “Cock-knocker” in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

Nevertheless, my love for Star Wars is as hot as Luke Skywalker’s proton torpedoes, and runs as deep as the Pit of Carkoon. I can rag on the Star Wars movies for two full paragraphs, but because of the special effects and incredible depth of the Star Wars universe, I’ll always come back. The geek in me loves the complex, alien worlds George Lucas has developed.

There are officially 245 documented species among the fictional planets of Star Wars, and they’re all cool. There are volumes of text written on the complex political interplay of the Galactic Senate.

That’s the bottom line. The Star Wars universe is breathtaking in its volume, and the movies allow for a nice way to spend a few hours in it. The Star Wars movies suck, but I love the immersive enviornment, and I would even listen to Luke whine about power converters at Tosche station to go there again.

Rising violence in Libya as rebels continue to battle against supporters of President Ghadhafi has affected oil prices around the world. In Seattle, drivers noticed a sharp rise in gas prices as fighting in Libya resulted in the destruction of numerous oil installations across Libya.

As Libya’s crippled oil trade decreases world oil prices, Seattlites could see an even further increase  in gasoline prices.

Vancouver Kiteflier Bamboozles Populace

Vancouver resident Mike (who refused to give out his last name) was a kite-flying fiend. Upon acquiring a gigantic Chinese-made kite coated in LED lights from his wife after her visit to China, his first thought was to contact the Federal Aviation Administration to confirm the legality of flying his massive, illuminated kite.

Then he called the local police to inform them of his activities, and to disregard any calls coming in about strange lights above the trees.

Nevertheless, mere hours after the inaugural kite flight, calls began coming in about a real live UFO flying over Vancouver!  Rumors spread rampant, and after reading numerous stories about local UFO sightings, Mike invited a news team to his house and came clean.

Skivvidy Doo-Wop!

Garfield’s vocal jazz choir had been preparing for the performance of a lifetime. Bobby Mcferrin was scheduled to sing with said choir on March 8 at Garfield’s own Quincy Jones Auditorium.

Day and night they gargled honey and practiced tongue twisters, anything to improve the concert they would  soon  take part in with one of the most acclaimed vocal artists of our time. Bobby, however,  was apparently either not as careful or not as lucky: mere days  before the performance he contracted severe laryngitis.

While Bobby soothes his bruised vocal cords, Garfield’s best singers will be soothing their broken hearts: no plans have been made to reschedule Mcferrin’s performance.

Kings of Greaze

Over the past few weeks, numerous students who park around Garfield have  had their cars broken into, often resulting in losses of hundreds and thousands of dollars worth of goods.

“I got jacked twice over the past few weeks. I lost about $1,500 worth of stuff” states Joe Markman, a Garfield senior who was a  became a victim of the thefts after his car was  broken into while parked on 25th Ave.

“Garfield students should lobby to have cameras put on 25th.” While the logistical problems of Markman’s proposition are significant, many are of the same opinion, and cameras on 25th could become a distinct possiblity.

Watson
Seven years ago, IBM set out on a project to create a computer that could beat human Jeopardy legends Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter in a standard game of Jeopardy. Dubbed “Watson” after Sherlock Holmes’ ineffable sidekick, the computer has been uploaded with terabytes of data, and, using complex algorithms and a form of machine “learning,” Watson can now decipher the complex wordplay and trivia that Jeopardy is known for. After three nights of intellectual combat, Watson beat both of his human opponents: Watson scored $77,973, nearly four times his nearest human competitor. At the end of the match, Jennings reported that he “for one, welcomed our new computer overlords.” Across the country, millions of humans were left at home feeling obsolete and lame. The episode is reminiscent of the computer program “SKYNET,” from the Terminator series, which decides to kill all humans. Other similar predictions from mainstream media include I, Robot, The Matrix, and several other movies.

Watson’s remarkable success comes at an interesting time in human history. After years of technological advancement, we are quickly approaching a critical date: 2045. (According to a well-established rule of technological progress, the processing power per square inch approximately doubles every two years.) By 2045, the processing power of computers is expected to exceed that of the entire human consciousness, at which point computers will likely be conscious and self-taught—this is commonly referred to as the artificial intelligence singularity. At this time, several futurists and computer science experts expect the human era will be ended. So don’t worry about 2012, and certainly don’t worry about your homework. Prepare for 2045.

The Path of WRATH
Recently, I was approached by the shadowy leader of Garfield’s newest club and “convinced” to inform the Garfield student body of their presence, so here goes: WRATH is a club created to combat the joyful and selfless acts of RAK Club (Random Acts of Kindness). The aforementioned leader, who has requested to remain anonymous, describes WRATH as “a grassroots campaign to spread oldfashioned fear and discord through the halls of Garfield.” While the club is still shrouded in mystery, its antics have been described as “diabolical, twisted, and mean-spirited, but mostly harmless.” Which means that no-one specific will be targeted. Right, guys? Right?

People have been intrigued by the idea of reanimated dead for thousands of years.  The West African vodun tradition, practiced by many groups of coastal Nigeria, Ghana, Togo and Benin, holds the belief that the dead can be reanimated by a bokor, or sorcerer, and remain under the will of said bokor indefinitely. Upon the arrival of West African slaves to Haiti in 1517, the belief systems of the West African tribes and the native Arawak peoples of Haiti merged and mixed, producing the Haitian vodou tradition, which further advanced the concept of the zombie.

This tradition continued for hundreds of years, the religion that Haitian slaves held on to despite the attempts of slaveowners to forcibly adapt them to European society. But it was not until the early 20th century that zombies appeared in popular culture, and it would be almost another 100 years before zombies experienced their meteoric rise in popularity. This was due entirely to the marriage of two ancient concepts into one: the zombie apocalypse.

Zombies on their own are scary. A rotting, husk of a thing with no desire but to tear you limb from limb and drink your juices can be a terrifying thought. But as frightening as an individual zombie is, the concept gets boring, it loses its scare after a while, and its not sexy, unlike certain other types of undead I could name, i.e. vampires.

But turn that individual zombie into a horde, a global mass of ravenous undead, and the game changes. Now zombies are a force of nature, a symbol of dark and besieged civilization. Kill one, and ten more take their place. Zombies aren’t a monster to be slain, they are a force to be escaped from.

Within this change of dynamic is a new opportunity for filmmakers and authors to introduce the idea of the sole survivor, the undeniably appealing image of the last scrap of humanity, holding off the undead scourge using only their ingenuity and physical prowess.

The first modern conception of a zombie could be attributed to Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein in 1818, which established such critical milestones as a corpse reanimated through science rather than mysticism, and said corpse becoming violent upon reanimation. However, no piece of zombie fiction, past or present, has transformed the genre more than George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead in 1968.

The plot of Romero’s film is, by today’s standards, fairly mundane. A couple visiting a graveyard are beset by a pale, clumsy man who turns out to be, you guessed it, dead. As the movie progresses, the couple seeks refuge with families in the surrounding area. One-by-one they are bitten and reanimated, and by the time the credits start rolling, there are no survivors. So what distinguishes Night of the Living Dead from previous zombie films released in the 20’s and 30’s like White Zombie and Plan 9 From Outer Space? In a television broadcast during Night of the Living Dead, it is revealed that the entire population is being transformed into “ghouls” at a rapid rate, and that global zombiefication is likely.

The zombie and post-apocalyptic genres had been merged, and they would never seperate again.

Forty years later, and the two concepts are even more inextricably intertwined. The individual, ravenous nightmares from before the 20th century have been completely eradicated, and the zombie apocalypse is gaining strength daily. In fact, any fiction that deals with a large population of humans undergoing some sort of viral transformation is now thought of as zombie territory, even if the particular ghoul in question is decidedly more vampiric than anything else (as in Richard Matheson’s I Am Legend and Justin Cronin’s The Passage). Rather, the term “zombie” refers to any mob of uncontrollable monsters, humans that have taken on an animal-like craving for human flesh and blood.

Max Brooks, author of The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z probably described best the relationship between zombies, the apocalypse, and the public best in a recent interview with The Independent, a UK newspaper.

“The [zombie] genre cannot exist outside of the apocalyptic. Since we are living in a time of great uncertainty, zombies are a safe way of exploring our anxiety about the end of the world” stated Brooks.  “I saw Night of the Living Dead [at the age of 12]. The idea of a creature that was driven by pure instinct to kill, eat, and multiply scared the hell out of me.”

Most people experience the same kind of “safe” thrill of the unknown Brooks talks about when they encounter zombie fiction in present day culture. And it sells. Countless zombie movies have been released over the past few decades. Zombie books, zombie-themed television, zombie board games. Brain-shaped jell-O molds, zombie T-shirts, “Zombie Nation” car mats. Specific companies and causes hold zombie-themed parties and dances, and every year Seattle hosts a “zombie walk” in which thousands dress up in zombie gear and shamble down city streets in droves. Ironically, Romero has stated that he wrote the script for his sequels, Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead as a critique of brainless American consumer culture: upon reanimation, the mindless zombie mob congregates around a mall.

Public success of the zombie genre is due to the closeted fear we feel of the end of the world, the romantic vision of a sole survivor in a zombie apocalypse, and the fact that it rocks to see Woody Harrelson (Zombieland) beat the crap out of a plus-size zombie with a banjo (Harrelson has the banjo, not the zombie). Zombies, for all the savage panic and supernatural fear they instill, have become a parody of the terror we feel when faced with the possibility of global epidemic, and seeing our own friends and loved ones turned against us in uncontrollable rage.