The goobers. The geeks. The ones who solve the problem before I even realize the teacher had asked us a question. Trust me, this happens often. I think we all know we don’t give these guys enough credit.

I think nerds, or for you politically correct sticklers, mentally enhanced entities, are the coolest ones in high school. They are the ones investing in their futures. They are the ones investing in our futures, though we don’t realize it. While the rest of us are off at some repetitious party being ‘cool,’ those belonging to the Garfield geeksquad are advancing their conceptions of Kepler’s Third Law. And to be honest I don’t even know who Kepler is. My point is that they are slowly pulling ahead of those of us with a much duller work ethic. I certainly hope, when I am working for one of my much-achieving classmates, that they remember this article.

Think back to freshman year. Or, for you freshman, delve into your memories of your unimportant, yet still necessary first year of mandatory servitude. Were they the wildest times of our lives? No. Did we struggle to understand arbitrary changes to our bodies? Yes. Do the rest of us even like freshmen? Not really, except those occasional moments they amuse us with their naivety and general lack of social awareness.

Freshman year, however, was a pivotal point in our lives. This is because it was when we really fell into place. We all had an idea of our identities in middle school, but freshman year brought a new climate to the situation. Freshman year brought the discovery of what needed to be done to survive high school. And for those who wanted to fit in with the popular kids, this maybe meant dumbing down their work and production.

I swear there are some people who actually fail tests just so they can tell people they did poorly. Who do you think you are? Get your ish together—dumb is not cool. Girls don’t think it’s ‘cute.’ It’s not going to ensure that you have ‘stacks’ of ‘cheese,’ if you catch my drift.

In writing this article I am truly not intending to be offensive to anybody who considers themselves a nerd. If anything, I am trying to convey the opposite. I am baffled as to why high school students generally seem to overlook the smartest of their peers. Nothing personal, but when’s the last time you saw the 4.0, 2400 SAT student at a party? Most of these people would rather be learning, and doing something a little more worthwhile. And yet, this is looked at as uncool.

When I was in eighth grade, my history teacher Mr. Schmidt told me that I was going to get passed up by everybody, because I cared more about what I wore to school than what I put down on the paper. This was a strange comment to me, considering I had little to no sense of style. But he had a point. It was inspiring actually; Mr. Schmidt forced me to reconsider my priorities, and to actually take my work a little more seriously.

I know what you’re thinking. Shut the hell up and stop preaching, Andy. Well I refuse. We must embrace the nerd. We must invite him into our homes, and cherish him. We must give him lavish gifts to win his approval. And then in return we will be blessed with a smarter world and a higher level of workmanship. Nerd on!

“This one’s gonna be fat,” he says as he dumps it all unceremoniously on the table, pulling out a crisp rolling paper. Joints are simply a choice for him; they are one of many ways he can get high.

Chase smokes weed a lot. He does it for the right reasons. Early in December of last year, Chase decided to get a medical marijuana card for his chronic back pain. Within a few days he had one in his wallet.

“Pretty much anything one could eat I can buy a product to put weed in it, in the form of oil or butter,” he says. “It ranges from brownies and cookies to tinctures and honey to alfredo sauce. And of course, bud.”

Bud (marijuana) that one can buy. Legally. And it appears simple to get a medical card. But there is a catch.

This catch is known as the Controlled Substances Act of 1970, which classified marijuana as a Schedule I drug. Though it sounds like something out of Pineapple Express, it actually makes marijuana completely criminalized for all citizens of the U.S.

So medical marijuana technically has no legally accepted medical use. Yet since it was outlawed in 1972, fifteen of the fifty U.S. states have legalized its use. The true legality is ambiguous, especially with the Obama administration’s proclaimation that it will not enforce federal laws, such as the Controlled Substance Act, as heavily, delegating the real authority to state laws.

Full legalization is a concept far that is far from tangible at this point.

In 2006, a Washington woman found this out the hard way. When her company, Teletech, tested her for marijuana during a regular drug test, she outwardly admitted that she used marijuana medically. After the test came up positive and confirmed what she had said, however, she was fired.

Recently, the case was heard in the Washington State Supreme Court. The lawyer for Teletech, James Shore, argued that, “An employer could permit [marijuana] in the workplace if they want to. But they don’t have to.” Teletech did not allow such use. The question remains, however, as to whether marijuana should be treated as a harmful drug or as an average pain-killer in the debate over its use in the workplace and school.

Interestingly enough, Seattle Public Schools does not have an official policy for dealing with users of medical marijuana. When it comes to the issue of use at school, Garfield Teen Health Center nurse Chris Cordell says, “There is no policy in place, but I would work with the student and his or her family to create a care plan.”

But in Chase’s case, his parents don’t know that he uses marijuana medically..Once one turns eighteen, he or she can legally get a card without his or her parents knowing. “If you have a real problem,” Chase says, “It is extremely easy to get a card. If you don’t, it is still probably likely.” He is not the only student at Garfield with a medical card.

Nurse Cordell has mixed feelings about teens in school using medical marijuana.

“When marijuana is used appropriately, there are times when it is very helpful,” she says, measuring her words carefully. “However it is really not a safe drug. Teenagers brains are still developing and you really want to minimize exposure to it.”

The debate over the legality of marijuana rages on. Sometimes it is legal, and other times it is illegal. Marijuana users beware, there is always a risk under federal law. But many times these laws can be bypassed.

Chase licks the paper up and down, and seals his medication inside like a tightly rolled sandwich wrap. He tosses it onto his lips and holds the lighter up, staring down the barrel of the joint. The gas ignites and the paper flames up. He inhales, and sinks deeper into his seat, as his problems drift to the back of his mind..

*name has been changed

At its core, Valentine’s Day is certainly romantic, but really it’s nothing more than a chance for those who have already proclaimed their love to rejuvenate it.

When the Russians invented the holiday, they intended for it to subdue the Bulgarians, who would be seduced and vexed into a false sense of security by voluptuous, Russian women. (Your move, Bulgarians.)

Of course, the holiday has since evolved over time… somewhat.

Now we throw our money into material gifts, and things that connote “love,” as we search for approbation and affectionate approval from others. This holiday is for “intimate companions,” says Wikipedia, and I think many would agree that this definition doesn’t always encompass “singles.”

So what about those who have decided not to express their love this Valentine’s Day?

Well, aside from facing our aspiring dates’ sheer rejection, or using a love calculator to formulate our plans for the day (full name: Andy Boelter. Lover’s Name: Adriana Lima. Love Score: 78 percent… Score!), we really don’t have that much to do. Hence my plan: attend a singles mixer.

A singles mixer was just what the day called for. I knew if I were to affirm any visceral sense of emotion I had, I would have to get into the love scene of the big city.

In order to get the true experience, I had to try something completely new, so I accosted my parents for help. Sure enough, my pops came through in the clutch and, after a couple calls, I was scheduled to attend his friend’s daughter’s “get together.” Gee whiz, I had to prepare!

The idea behind a singles mixer is simple: throw a bunch of single people in the room and push them into making connections and mingling. In fact, in its execution, this interaction kind of reminds me of beasts at the watering hole, growling and snorting at each other over the Sprite and Doritos. But this is beside the point.

Allow me to set the scene. I was preparing for my big day at this get together, reading up on my “Being Single on Valentine’s Day Survival Guide” (thank you Dr. Laura Baron), and practicing some quick, witty lines: “Hey, tell the waiter to take this back! I’d like to order a heaping platter of you instead.” Those always work, trust me.

Anyway, I headed over to a house I had never seen before. The door opened to a bunch of faces I had never seen before. There were about seven girls, and eight other dudes. Cool.

I entered, and began the mix.

It began well, but if you were to ask me why they were playing Katy Perry on the sound system, I truly wouldn’t have an answer.

All in all it was pretty fun– I met some interesting people, exaggerated nearly every aspect of my life, and reached the epiphany that I will never again go to a singles mixer. But having gone in with an open mind and some tricks up my sleeve, I was able to learn a few valuable things.

One thing I learned is that carrying an arrow to poke people doesn’t work nearly as well as it’s supposed to. I got a variety of reactions, probably the most significant of which was, “What the hell, dude, go poke a girl with that.” Well I can’t say I thought he was a guy. Whoops. Fall back to Plan B.

Turns out plan B was kind of dumb too. I was getting anxious as time went on, and so I had resorted to this—it basically involved blatant lying.

People were impressed that I was decidedly wholly into math and could do a Rubix cube with my eyes closed, that is, until I was confronted with a Rubix cube. I “accidentally” knocked over a cup onto a perfectly groomed yellow dress, causing distraction enough that I could change the subject to my Junior Olympic Gold Medal.

As for the holiday romance, I didn’t really make any connections.

You can’t force love, and that’s exactly why all these e-Harmony commercials feature the two people out of 500 who are actually happy.

Valentine’s Day puts a stress on this whole love connection thing, and it seems overly pressuring and imposing.

I certainly hope those who are in relationships enjoyed the holiday though, and I hope those who aren’t found some romantic outlet.

If not, no harm done, I suppose St. Patrick’s Day will be fairly interesting—we can all…wear green.

If nothing else, take Valentine’s Day as a jump-start to meeting new people this spring.

Personally, I think next year I’ll spend next V-Day with the people I love most, my parents. (Sensitivity points, anyone?)

2011
The 2010 seniors pranked with chalk, and the 2012 year probably brings the end of the world. There’s no doubt it’ll be a comfy year in between. Here are some ideas for ways to get the most of your ‘011 days. Carpe Diem.

Push yourself in school
Lol, just kidding.

Learn to ice skate
Ice skating rinks are the perfect place for anything. Hockey, dates, ridiculously terrible balance and friends all come together in a chipper environment fit to be treasured for years. The rinks are probably warmer than outside. And you can use those little training pushers to play bumper– skates. I’m in there!

Meet new people
It’s time to step out of that comfort zone. A new year invites us to take the time to branch out, especially you underclassmen. Someone once told me you should use high school to learn to be the person you want to be. I have a feeling this is a lot tougher than we may think, and it’s good to have a solid support structure of friends along for the ride.

Entertain your spontaneous ideas
There’s no reason not to start some new project, or follow some aspiration just because you’re young. People across the world are hasing their dreams at younger and younger ages. Justin Bieber has holographic trading cards. (The cashier asked me if I wanted a pack…Needless to say I reported her to the manager).

The simple fact is, the world needs fresh ideas. Have you seen the people who are making all of our laws? That is one stuffy room, to say the least. I am merely pointing out that a truly modern and innovative society should have its young people at its forefront, battling for the things that matter to us.

Make wishes
11/1/11, 11/11/11, and every day– you know the time– until then. Wishes can be great for goal setting. And, if it works out, cool. If not, then you’ve still significantly improved your internal clock. Bam, son!

And actually do push yourself in school. It’s like, good and stuff.

9:30 am Wake up time kids!  Our chaps rolled out of their king sized Tempur-Pedic beds, took off their Egyptian silk pajamas, and silenced the symphony of jungle noises coming from their soothing noise machines. Andy yelled from his bed for his mom to make him a breakfast of cheesy eggs, toast and milk; Matt rummaged up some Raisin Bran from the cupboard. When finished with their meals, they left their dishes for their respective moms, and donned their chosen fits for the day—Andy sporting his potent combination of Osiris skate shoes and paint-splattered jean; Matt finding some comfortable-looking clothes on his floor that passed the smell inspection. For now, Andy and Matt feel quite comfortable, but they have no idea what’s in store for them.

10:15 am Uh oh, Andy lives in Sand Point, and must travel all the way to Matt’s house with no money!! So what does our daring adventurer do?  Attempt to bargain for a free bus ride of course!

Andy: “Sorry I don’t have any bucks on the bus ride.”

Bus driver: “Excuse me? A ride’s going to cost you 75 cents young man. That’s not my problem.”

Andy (angrily): “Come on bro.”

Bus driver: “I told you sir, if you don’t give me money you can’t ride.”

Andy (now giggling): “That’s what she said.”

Andy then throws up the deuces to the fuming bus driver while exiting the vehicle, and reluctantly mounts his bike and peddles over to Cerf castle.

11:00 am Andy rescues princess Matt from the clutches of the dragon (Will Cerf) and they head downtown. And yes, they’re on scooters.

12:00 pm Behold, downtown. Quickly bored, the boys require amusement. Andy quickly suggests a movie, and Matt quickly counters with, “We NEED to see Burlesque.” Andy agrees, and they head into Pacific Place. As they arrive at the top floor, they realize that they need a distraction if they are to get in “free.” Andy, in a series of high-pitched screams, makes an effort to distract the cunning ticket distributers, promptly waving his arms and barking like an enraged wildebeest. “Dude, stop screaming. We can just walk in the side,” says Matt.

12:15 am Once in the theater lobby, they observe the rich folk. “Pigs,” says Matt, watching a large woman scarf down popcorn. Andy, feeling differently, says, “I’ll seriously give you a back massage right here if I can have some of that popcorn.” Matt shakes his head. Andy eats and massages. They conclude and enter the movie.

2:30 pm The movie, a smash hit, ends abruptly and Matt and Andy return, giddy with excitement and constipation, to the streets. “Let’s get serious,” says Andy, “There are people out here who live like this every day. We need to see what they see.” “You’re right,” says Matt, thinking it over, “Let’s go to the soup kitchen, see if we can’t get ourselves a good meal.” They begin to walk.

2:40 pm Matt and Andy get two girls’ numbers. They don’t plan on calling.

2:50 pm Finally, they arrive in line. As they wait, a large man with a blade turns and says, “Ey, whatchu doin’ here homes! You might get cut here homes!” Matt, a born negotiator, calmly introduces himself, turns, and runs. They scurry away and retreat to Matt’s house to shake of the harsh words of their verbal assailant.

8:00 pm After a long nap—Matt in his room, Andy in Matt’s sister’s bed—the boys realize they need to party. However, with no phones and no money, they have hit a wall. Suddenly their party senses begin to tingle. “It’s close!” says Andy, sniffing. And so they set out on foot.

8:45 pm They find the party. ‘013 have barricaded themselves in a basement, and watchful parents make themselves busy upstairs. Andy and Matt take one look at each other, then look at the sophomores and random upperclassmen, and decide to do the only thing they could do.

9:00 pm Apparently it’s not “cool” for two guys to dance by themselves in front of a couch full of ‘013. Matt and Andy sadly leave the party, penniless, without a place to go. “I’ve kind of had it with this, Matt,” says Andy. “I know what you mean. When in Rome, right?” says Matt, a moronic look on his face. Andy stares. “Um, to be honest that doesn’t really make sense. But that’s okay. Let’s go home, Matt.” The two walk hand in hand back to their houses.

We all learned something on that day. Unfortunately, in this fast world, the needs of citizens do not always parallel the income of individuals. More often then not, people are left without sufficient economic means to live in comfort. We should all do our part to help struggling people. Buy a “Real Change” once in a while, support your local shelter, throw a couple guys dancing on the sidewalk a Hamilton. Through our comical adventure, one can perceive the real hardships that people face “on the daily,” such as not having necessary food and water, or the very real issue of a lack of self-fulfillment. We went a day without money, can you? Keep in mind the effects your small actions have on the world, and be conscious of the lives around you. And if you’re ever tired, broke, and unhappy, just think of us. And dance.

We cast aside inhibitions in an effort to fit in with those around us, not thinking, only feeling our movements matching the beat of the bass.

It takes technique; one must parallel his or her partner’s dance motions, and not look like a flailing chimpanzee while doing so. One must be able to go “no hands,” for those few moments when the DJ’s self-entitlement prompts him to command the crowd to jump, or put their hands in the air. One must high-five friends, and give worn-out girls back massages (it’s just a nice thing to do).

And, while trying to balance all  of the necessary components of the dance, one must also have fun. Skeptical parents seem rigidly devoted to the idea that our dancing employs no intricacy; it’s tougher than it seems, parents.

Furthermore, today’s style of dance is not necessarily a sexual outlet for the frustrated teen—as is, seemingly, the adult consensus—but rather a more pragmatic version of “the bump.” It is not a devolution from the older styles, but rather an updated version to fit a society that got tired of veiling human nature.

Back in the day, lil’ Peggy Sue would don her britches (not sure what these are) and head off to the hop. She would find a nice guy and curtsy her consent to a dance, and then limit her movements in an effort to appease the supervisors. She was expected to “leave room for Jesus,” and admonished if she squished him in order to get closer to her hunk.

But these were also the days when we pretended racism didn’t exist. The days, when we, as progressive as we may have thought we were, gave women fewer rights than men. The way I see it, we pretended a lot of things weren’t going on, or weren’t there. We also tried to hide just about every aspect of society that might, possibly, in the teensiest way, shock your grandmother.

We should’ve known better than this. We should now. Our current form of dancing should’ve been the norm, or at least an option, all along. Adults need to know that we dance like this because it’s fun, not because it’s sexual. It is an act of expression, no different from the waltz or the jitterbug.

In fact, in its time the jitterbug itself was also controversial because it supposedly enflamed kids sexual desires.

Now, however, this same swing dancing is respected, and looked at as an art. It is no longer considered at all taboo; you don’t hear teachers and chaperones complaining at the dances because of front-to-front, minimal-contact dancing (which when it comes down to it, is what swing dancing entails). But in their youth, these same teachers could well have been reprimanded for dancing like this.

The jitterbug is now, by many standards, considered conservative.

There will come a day when “grinding” too is considered conservative. As per usual, our society will most likely not believe in this day until it comes; our style of dance is considered risque as a bizarre root of our society’s groping need for censorship.

The only way to break the trend is to start thinking better. Contrary to popular belief, dancing does in fact take skill and it is not, for most, a primal sexual outlet.

It is no wild statement to say that you need to know how to dance the dance these days. In the great words of Mac Dre, “Yeah you fine, female, but can you gig?”

Judge Bail Authority Amendment

People are finally getting smarter. With this amendment comes the realization that our judicial system indeed allows all the bad guys with money to stroll around like they own the place, regardless of the quite-stimulating fact that they may or may not have murdered somebody.

This amendment, if passed, would amend the existing system by permitting judges in Washington to deny bail if they deem the public at risk. It could be a good decision; the measure is also known as the Lakewood Police Officers Memorial Act, and many lawmakers believe it is a fitting memorial.

Initiative 1098 (the “Robin Hood” tax)

As the initiative’s nickname implies, this legislation would, more or less, take from the rich and give to the poor; it plans to tax individuals with income over $200,000―and couples with joint income of over $400,000―while giving back to the less fortunate of our public institutions, education and health services in the form of a trust fund. In addition, Initiative 1098 would reduce the limit on statewide property taxes by 20 percent. If this passes, properties will sell like wildfire; get them while the getting is good.

Many are arguing for I-1098 because of the tax cuts the middle class would receive; they would help homeowners and small businesses, and directly prevent any income tax on individuals below the income bar. Also, the funding for health care and education would grow enormously.

The chief argument against the tax is the fear that Olympia would extend the the sales tax to everyone in just two years. Once in place, the income tax can then also be raised quickly  like sales taxes. In addition, the legislature can realistically spend the money on anything it wishes; many “trust accounts” are raided when the need for money arises.

Initiative 1107, the Washington Repeal Tax Law Amendment

This initiative goes out to teens all over who just want to enjoy their candy for an  affordable price; it would not only repeal the sales tax on candy, but also on bottled water and soda pop.

A wide array of voters feel the arbitrary taxes are unnecessary, pricey, and nonsensical. Some argue that the tax law is unfair and irrelevant because the government should be focusing instead on cutting government spending.

On the other hand, the initiative would harm schools and kids’ health by providing cheaper non-essential sugary items to kids, while stripping $300 million of funding for kids’ health programs. It would also throw-off an incredibly well-balanced solution to the economic crisis by taking away the steady stream of revenue resulting from the tax.

Whether you’re voting or merely imposing your opinion on those who are, stay educated on the issues. This is of the utmost necessity to the progression of our society; do not vote because someone tells you to, especially your parents. Vote because you’ve analyzed the issue and want to bring about change. This state is ours for the shaping, and the youth better be prepared.

Keep someone around to take care of spiders

I personally can’t, do not ask me. This isn’t my strong suit. Spiders always seem to find their ways in to the nooks and crannies of the common household, especially when the cold weather is killing them off outside. The national average is ten spiders per basement at any given time, so be wary. If you are an aspiring Bear Grylls, however, these nasty menaces can be taken care of without even chewing.

Build yourself an asgier

The asgier, or God-spear, is a handy tool in the long winter months. A large spear about six-foot-four, it is made from mokuton forged wood, as durable as iron itself, and Tetsuton Steel. When hunting, make sure to stay aware of any and all posted rules and regulations. That said, the God-spear never misses. If you are hungry and trapped in the snow, just toss one of these little bad-boys up in the air, and it’ll be fine dining for weeks. Only the best for Odin, member of the Norse Pantheon.

Join a clique

This is essential for all those times you are stuck inside with nothing to do during bad weather. You can play board games with your clique, or just express your views together in a comfortable setting. For those of you who don’t have friends, I feel for you. Join a clique and you will have a healthy list of ride-or-die’s with whom to enjoy yourself. I like to think I’m a healthy mix of L.O.E., the Bad Girls, the Dirty Doz, and CHAL, minus CHAL.

Enjoy the rain. Love it

Shake your rainstick whenever you get the chance. I’ve always thought it ridiculous to live in Seattle and not appreciate the weather. Share a kiss in the rain, or splash somebody with a puddle as you drive by (if they love the rain as much as me, they’ll welcome the random shower!). Live it up while you can, because before you know it it’ll be summer and…rainy still.

Support the home team

The bulldogs are soon to be back in action on the basketball court, fans needed. Most of you missed the tennis matches this year (must’ve been sick or out of town), but it’s time for some school spirit. Let’s chant Redmond all the way back to the middle of nowhere.

Make sure you keep your toes in your socks and a cool head on your shoulders. Be prepared for anything this winter. Above all, keep up a positive attitude. I always say, if you’re not having fun, then you’re not surviving.

Couples are like parents; they’re just not that fun to hang out with. I’m not saying this with the intention of nuzzling up to anybody’s potential ex-girlfriend, I’m merely saying how I feel. This column applies to both guys and girls.

As soon you start dating someone, you’re automatically advertising to the world that you like one person more than the rest of your friends. Am I the only one who realizes this?

Every time I call someone who’s in a relationship with a “significant other,” my subconscious screams at me that there’s someone else they’d rather be talking to, so I hastily make my exit, (“Uh gotta go…Jersey Shore’s on…”).Couples, show some friend love.

It could be that I’m just over-thinking serious relationships, and  that girlfriends and boyfriends would love to be talking to me. The truth is, though, I’ve always felt a little bit weird around couples.

Take girls in relationships, for instance. You can’t can’t make fun of them when their boyfriend is around. You just can’t. You can’t kiss them on the cheek either. I’m not a big cheek-kisser myself, but I’m pointing out that the opportunity is no longer there.

I could go on for days about what you can’t do with someone else’s sweetheart, like dance in a way suited to 21st century, culture, or even be alone with them for more than fifteen minutes. These, however, are just the least of my concerns.

I really just want all of those enamored couples out there to make sure that they are allotting enough time for their other friends, like moi.

Along comes Friday and what do I want to do? I want to go to dinner with my loving girlfriend and have a nice cozy date. But no, says my voice of reason, I’d rather have fun with my real friends. Seriously, this is what Fridays were made for. Having a cozy dinner date is for the other six other days of the week, not Fridays.

I can’t count the number of times that  I’ve had to watch my friends as they makeout. Well all I have to say is it better be ecstatic—nay, rapturous—because all of your friends are watching. Really though, there’s nothing else to look at when you’re standing in circle and two of your dreamy-eyed friends bust out in an old-fashioned game of tongue twister.

I wish I had a button that would just blow up all relationships. Okay, I don’t. That was hasty and I’m sorry. All I really want is for all of the weirdness to go away.

I’ll give, sometimes it can be tolerable and even enjoyable to hang out with couples. They’re easy to beat in doubles tennis and 2 v. 2 basketball (for obvious reasons), and they never get dejected. They argue occasionally, and who doesn’t like to watch a little drama from the sidelines; they even tend to sit together in the backseat, leaving shotgun repeatedly empty.

Apart from these minute benefits, however, I can’t think of any valid reasons for a serious high school relationship.

High school sweethearts are a thing of the past. The new age is here and it has brought upon a growing number of things and flings and “it’s complicated’s.” It has, thankfully, changed the way we approach dating in general.

I can’t speak for everybody. Garfield hosts a number of misguided students going steady. The spotlight’s on you now and it’s crunch time. We’ll see who lasts throughout the year…

Don’t take me seriously. I’m just jealous.