Though many of you readers have passed the necessary age requirement to see an R-rated movie, most Garfield students are still prohibited from viewing such mature films. If you fall in the latter age group and you’re determined anyhow, check the list below for some ideas. As for everyone 17 and 18, try seeing if you can pull any of these off without your ID!

The Ratings:
★ — Movie Theater Nachos
★★ — Reese’s Pieces
★★★ — Sour Patch Watermelon
★★★★ — Junior Mints

Dress Up Like an Old Person
★★
Sure you could probably pass as a 28-year-old, but why not just go all out? I’m talking Benjamin Button style wrinkly grandpa, cane and all. Who’s going to deny a 90-year-old entrance to a flick due to “extreme situations of peril?” No one, that’s who. The only downfall would be needing a professional makeup artist to make it look realistic, but half the girls at Garfield wear that much makeup anyway, so just ask one of them.

Bring a Parent
★
Maybe not the best choice due to the embarrassment factor, not to mention having to sit next to the person who conceived you while watching very inappropriate, probably sexual scenes. However, it is a sure fire way to get in.

Buy a Different Ticket
★★
Effective, but not necessarily possible in movie theaters with multiple floors or where the concession stands conveniently face towards the doors. But realistically speaking, this is probably the best way for anyone underage to see an R movie without an adult present.

Create a Diversion and Sneak In
★★
This choice is primitive, but optimal for really creative people who like to think outside the box. A diversion can be anything from a fake murder to T-Pain walking down the street. And if the ticket taker is anything like 90% of the population, they’ll be distracted long enough by T-Pain look-alikes for you to slip in the doors unnoticed. My dad’s personal suggestion? Release a live duck in the lobby and let the pandemonium run its course.

Go To Pacific Place
★★★
Pacific Place is like the Disney Land of movie theaters: a place where age doesn’t matter and you’re free to be as childish as you want. Luckily this includes seeing a movie designed for an older age group without facing any immediate repercussions. The drawback is that Pacific Place doesn’t always have a lot of movies playing.

Guilt Trip
★★★
If you’re already planning on breaking the law, I’m going to assume that you’re not above lying. Here’s where it pays to be able to fake cry. Just mention something about only having three days left to live or your grandma’s dying wish being for you to see this movie. Who wouldn’t be moved enough to let you in by a story like that? Well, probably someone who could lose their job. I would suggest a picture of Grandma.

Flirt
★
This is easiest when the ticket taker is close to your age, but isn’t limited to that specific situation. In fact, an older person would probably be flattered and more likely to let you in, whereas someone your own age might just think you were just creepy.

Go in the Back Door
★
It would take some recon work to locate the back door or emergency exit and have someone in the theater to let you in. All together, it’s pretty stupid because the person who got into the movie theater to let you in could have just bought everyone tickets, but if you have a twisted sense of adventure and think this sounds fun, I suppose it could technically work. Now, when you’re trying to figure out how to get the one person into the theater, see any other options on this list.

Fake ID
★
If you already have a fake ID, go for it. However, I would like to point out that being arrested for using a fake ID to get into an R-rated movie would be extremely embarrassing and probably make you seem like a big loser. If you’re thinking about getting one for the sole purpose of seeing any movie you want, I’d say look at my previous statement about being a loser and seriously reconsider.

Bribe the Ticket Taker
★
I’m not entirely sure how illegal this option is, but it has issues regardless. Going to an extreme like bribery in order to get into something as ridiculous as “Snakes on a Plane” or what-have-you just seems unnecessary. Not to mention that accidentally trying to bribe a manager or an employee with intense moral obligations towards doing right for the theater could result in a serious punishment for you.

Get a Stranger To Buy One
★★★
After carefully approaching someone who looks as though they walk the thin line between being friendly enough not to rape you and sketchy enough to casually break the law for a stranger, propose your idea carefully. If they look hesitant, try waving a couple Washington’s in their face to sweeten the deal.

Be 17
★★★★
This isn’t really an option for people who aren’t 17, but is perfect for people who are. Who needs trickery when you can legally do whatever you want?