Hype’s a bitch. It can cloud the judgment of anybody, make perfectly average musicians into legends, force good artists into oblivion, and rewrite history. It’s a powerful tool that’s in the hands of another mighty bitch – us. The media. Of course, I’m part of the media, and by simply writing about the music I do, I’m contributing to hype. So I might as well acknowledge what we, the media, are doing.

There are three basic types of musical hype:

The first is easily the most loathsome: The Critic’s Darling. You know the bands I’m talking about: The sulky-eyed tie wearers with leather jackets, or the introspective princesses in the black-and-white photographs that litter the pages of rags like Rolling Stone. The Macy Grays, Radioheads and Thursdays of the world that critics love. These are artists that are “different”, or “spiritual”, or “transcendent” (a favorite critic word). This type of hype doesn’t usually translate to monstrous commercial success, but it can successfully trick a large group of magazine subscribers who need to be on “the next big thing” before everyone else. And because no one wants to admit they were tricked into buying a CD because of the grade it got in SPIN, that results in the poor consumer playing the disc for all their friends, parroting the reviews – “It’s so transcendent!” – and swallowing some stodgy critic’s ideas for their own. Note: I actually own albums by the three artists I used as examples, and I like them…at least, I’m pretty sure I do.

The second main type of hype has existed since the beginning of major labels: The Campaign Candidate. This happens when a label has sunk massive amounts of cash into an artist (or group) who is not going to fail. No way. Why, there’s going to be posters, and stickers, and appearances on TRL, SNL, 106 and Park, their own Christmas special…you get the idea. You think Jive was going to just count on Justin Timberlake’s previous fan base to sell Justified, which I’m sure is some sort of precious metal by now? No. They blitzed you, you poor consumer. TV, radio, a tour with Christina Aguilera, a romance with Cameron Diaz that may or may not be a Jive/jive marketing ploy – the mouth of Memphis was (and is) everywhere. And the music’s good, I’ll admit that. But is that the reason you buy the product? That the music is good? Or that you want to examine the liner notes for Cry Me A River to see if you can find another dig at Britney Spears? The campaign candidate always wins. Every time.

A side note here: Alicia Keys is the best-ever example of this. She can play piano! She’s young! And pretty! And Clive Davis loves her! Yeah, I bought it, literally. Hook, line, and Songs in A Minor. There’s maybe four songs I can listen to on it. To this day, people still think she’s Nina Simone. Those few people who know who Nina Simone is. All that glitters with the glow of the musical campaign circus isn’t gold. It’s usually platinum.

The third, and last, main type of hype: The Gimmick. It’s a harsh word, but what else am I supposed to call guys like Andrew W.K., Har Mar Superstar, and the Insane Clown Posse? These guys don’t usually trick millions of records out of people, but they get worldwide attention because they’re weird, and attract a cult following. Maybe those people believe in W.K.’s head-banging or Har Mar’s posturing as a break-dancer, or maybe they’re just looking to stand out. This stuff has been going on since KISS. KISS were mooks, in case you didn’t know. Without the face paint, they didn’t make it past the bar, let alone the stadium tour. And for those of you who don’t believe this warrants a category, you can go listen to all eight million records Vanilla Ice sold. And then get back to me.

So what are you supposed to do with this information? If you’re still buying CD’s, and not burning them, maybe this will make you think twice before purchasing from one of the three categories. Keep in mind there’s good stuff in all the types of hype (well, maybe not the gimmick one). But sometimes it’s better to listen to something you’ve never heard of, untainted by preliminary impressions, rather than listen to what everyone tells you is the best. You should decide for yourself what you like. Don’t let my hype –or anyone else’s – adjust your opinion.